Lostguy818

It's funny how I spend the days now in a routine. I'm really getting the hang of it actually. My days will always start with a bath to wake myself up. I'll eat some breakfast with a cup of coffee while checking my e-mails, recent news on yahoo, my accounts on friendster and facebook. I would do that until nine thirty or until ten. After absorbing the zap of energy from the coffee, I'll get on to my writing. I'm actually happy and satisfied on the way I work with it now. I write everyday, from morning until two pm. There would be some distractions like my mother asking me to do something, a music video that my sister watches on the tv and of course, lunch. I still have to eat. After two, I would be either lying in bed, sleeping or reading a book. Then when the heat starts to get to my skin, I warm up a little bit then do my usual routines of sit-ups, pushups and squats(I already had enough lunges). After an hour or so of continuing reading, I'll take a bath to again, wake myself up. I'll do something else to let time fly by until six thirty like watch tv, sleep, or read a book again. The tv is the least option cause my sister always watch the tv so it's oftenly reading. Then i'll prepare my dinner on six-thirty so i'll get to eat by seven. And that completes that no. 1 on my So That's How It Feels Like list:

1. So that's how it feels like to have a routine for your everyday life. It feels good.
2. So that's how it feels like to have some sort of distraction to the routine you are very used to. (It's about some text messages that caused a huge shift of emotions in me. Emotions that destroyed my stability that I'm trying to keep so that I could write properly. It feels awful and scary.
   
3. So that's how it feels like when you see or hear something on tv or a movie(specifically, Mean Girls) and hear it again(the thought of it, at least) for real, in your life. It feels like deja vu.
4. So that's how it feels like when someone told you to lower your pride because everything you think about is pride and everything was a competition to you. (I know. I don't know where she got that.) It feels funny yet annoying because I think I'm misunderstood and again, where did that came from?
5. So that's how it feels like when someone told you that you have a heart of stone when obviously she has no idea of what my emotions really are. When I told her that she said that she knows what I'm going through and that's not a reason for me to change (leading to no. 6) and she added that I should stop what I'm planning to do before it hurts everybody including myself. I know. It feels weird(Sort of wanted to laugh, yet confused and surprised. Seriously, where's she getting all this stuff from?)
6. So that's how it feels like when someone told you that you have changed in a bad way and she wanted the person you were before back and they're totally wrong about it. What change? All her words were just unbelievable. It feels unbelievable and starting to get me frustrated.
7. So that's how it feels like to get frustrated and start doubting yourself. Then you'll confide to your friends for reassurance but it was already late at night and you have no one to talk to or lean on to. It feels horribly sad that I felt trapped.
   
8. So that's how it feels like when you think that's something is your fault and it's your responsibility. It really does feel heavy.
9. So that's how it feels like when you can't find the right words to fix something. It feels disappointing and frustrating.
10. So that's how it feels like to find yourself on something that started out small and now it's a big tangled web. It feels confusing.
11. So that's how it feels like when someone tells you that she loves you and that you must remember it even though she was gone like she was talking about killing herself. It feels awful with worry and nerves. At first I wanted to laugh because it's crazy but the next day, I found myself waiting for a text message to make sure that she's alive. (She is. Thank God!)
12. So that's how it feels like to listen to a song and read a book and all of it coincidentally fits your current situation. It feels magical.
    
13. So that's how it feels like to be in love with a character on a book. (I know right? Crazy.) It feels wonderful at the same time sad. (Don't ask me who! I won't tell!)
    
14. So that's how it feels like to feel nothing. It was after reading a book. I felt nothing. I tried to imagine stuff with some of the people I really like and I felt nothing. And then it led me to no. 15.
15. So that's how it feels like when you are so wrapped up to yourself and your routine that all the heartache, hatred and love you feel for people totally vanished to thin air. It feels weird. I seriously felt nothing, like blank canvass needed to be painted with colors.

So... all those things completed my So That's How It Feels Like list. Until next time!

P.S. You guys seriously need to comment here. There' s no need for logging in or anything. You could just choose anonymous. It's totally like commenting on a friendster account. And it would be easier to give your reactions. You could tell me you hate me or what I said here or you could tell me how you love the words I used or how funny I sometimes sound. Just comment honestly and I'll comment back. No worries. So if you guys want clarifications just ask and i'll reply back here. I'm sure it would be better than asking it to me in person and seeing my annoying face as I nonchalantly answer your questions. Right? So comment me!

Almost three years had passed since her disastrous first day as a freshman. Looking back makes Penelope’s cheeks flush. She was sitting in her class as a junior when the school bell rang. As she passed the teacher’s desk she glanced at her English teacher. She was a brunette, same as her. Almost the same shade, actually. Hers was just darker than Penelope’s. Her eyes were jet black and she looked really young in her pale blue blouse. “Penelope!” Her English teacher called her.

“Sorry, Ms. McKenzie. I’m in a hurry.” Penelope noticed her teacher frowning but she just ignored it and left the room.

Penelope Walker was caught up on a long line in the cafeteria, still thinking about her English teacher, Rosemary McKenzie. She wished she would look like her in her thirties. Thirty, professional and smoking hot. As she carried her tray outside the cafeteria, where normal students usually sat, something clouded her mind. Her thoughts were taken over by another. She thought of words to say when they ran into each other again since their last encounter. Her heart pounded faster. Her breath faster and shallower. She reached the cafeteria door, swallowed despite of her empty throat. Her body stiffened as the guy came towards her direction. She can’t help but look at him and admire him. His face lit up with a smile he gave to someone inside the cafeteria, his dark blue eyes shining.

Cool and collected. She talked to herself. She had been telling that to herself since the day she fell in love with him. Nah. More like a huge crush.

He was only a few steps away and she didn’t notice that she’d already stopped walking. She just stood there, staring at him. His dark blue eyes stared at her. His jet black hair made up so that it wouldn’t cover his forehead or his pure face beautifully angled with his jaw line.

“Uhm.” The guy stared at him. “Excuse me.” He said. She said nothing. She was smiling like a child who’s staring at her favorite toy on a toy store.

“Oh!” Realized she was in a trance, she cleared her throat. “Ryan,” She swallowed “I’m so sorry.” She breathed out a nervous laugh, completely embarrassed. Well, not probably so cool and collected this time. What kind of girl could even be self-composed in front of Ryan Foster? He’s the star varsity soccer player. He’s rich. No. He’s family is rich but people hear that he already has a small business of his own as a birthday gift from he’s grandfather, so probably he’s rich on his own. She continued walking to the table where Ellie Rose, her best friend, sat. But Penelope couldn’t care less about all those stuff about him. She’s just really in love with him. She told Ellie once that it’s about the way he talks and moves that is so gentle and honest yet, so manly and tough. She sighed as she sat down, hoping that Ryan wouldn’t assume that she’s just another fanatic weirdo.

“Stop doing that every time you see him. You look ridiculous, you know.” Ellie Rose complained, flipping her highlighted dark brown hair, upon Penelope’s arrival no their table. When God gave away all the glamour and knowledge of fashion to the world, Ellie Rose certainly was outside and caught it. She just looks so coordinated all the time. Even though not popular, she became an icon herself. Not to mention one of the first black girls who became an icon in Lonesville High School. The best example is way back spring of their sophomore year, Ellie was the first one to ever perfectly match a gladiator shoes with the right clothes. The day after that, it has been a trend. There’s just one thing working against her though. Her being all grumpy and grouchy to some people. Especially to those who stand lower than her in the social ladder. She’s not like that before, Penelope thought. She was kind and sweet like a character in a children’s book during middle school. Penelope thought that, maybe, they grew apart in terms of interests and ideas. Since they entered high school, Ellie was different. Despite them growing apart, Penelope was happy for Ellie. Ellie has a better social life. Ellie has a social life. Penelope has small conversations, forgotten the next day.

Ellie’s hazel eyes stared at Penelope. “What?” Penelope asked. “I’m sorry. I can’t help it. It’s just, like, my mouth turns to silent mode when he talks to me.” Penelope glanced at Ryan who was sitting a few tables away from them. A few seconds later, a bright eyed girl with a smile and light brown hair approached him with a kiss. There’s your answer. If there’s a girl that could be self-composed in front of Ryan Foster, it’s Amanda Cross. Of course. Why would she freeze up like other girls? She’s his girlfriend. She went inside the cafeteria which was like a barrier between the two of them. It was this unspoken cafeteria rule in their school. The popular kids with their loyal followers, fans and wannabes stayed inside the cafeteria where they get the spotlight they needed. The geeks and nerds also preferred inside, only because of the air conditioning and they were too afraid to be bullied by the ‘tough ones’ outside. Some aspiring freshmen stayed there, waiting to be talked into the social circle. Ellie was one of them before but eventually, Penelope convinced her to sit with her outside the cafeteria where everyone else normal hanged out. Before, there were only a few tables outside but after seeing how many students wanted out of the drama inside the cafeteria, lots of tables appeared. People who hanged outside the cafeteria were the ones who were satisfied with themselves, some that are too afraid to go inside the cafeteria, the stoners and smokers, the couples who were beyond horny that seriously needed to get a room, some geeks that were threatened to sit there by the ‘tough ones’, and the norms. Norms are the ones who never cared. Their invisible to some people but satisfied with the world they were in. That’s were Ellie and Penelope belonged and perhaps, even Ryan. But he couldn’t be. He’s a god. Guys look up to him while girls drool over him. Yet, he’s so humble and innocent like he didn’t even know any of his fame. “You probably should go to a technician and get your mouth fixed up.” Ellie joked.

“Huh?” Penelope had forgotten what they were talking about after losing herself to her thoughts.

“Oh God!” Ellie made a disgusted face. “Doofus alert!” Ellie coughed after seeing a guy with curly golden blonde hair wearing glasses and braces approach them. She took out a book from her leather brown carry-all bag. She pretended to read it as the guy approach them.

“Hey guys!” He said and sat along with them. He resembled someone famous but Penelope just can’t seem to put her finger on it.

“Hey Rick!” Penelope gave him a smile. Penelope felt sorry for the guy. No one talked to him besides the teachers and Penelope. Some did, but that’s only to make fun of him or to ask for his help, just like Ellie.

He removed a strap of his Spiderman bag from his shoulders to reach for something. He took out a piece of scented pink paper and handed it to Penelope. “I made that for you. It’s a poem.” Penelope started reading it as Rick continued to speak. “I worked on that this whole week. I hope you like it.” Besides from being a total geek, Rick Summers is the only admirer Penelope had in her whole life. Well, there’s Shawn Marx but she didn’t count him because he simply admired all the girls. He told every girl that he loves them then asks them if they want to sleep with him. Penelope shuddered to the thought of him. So, it was really just Rick. Since she and Rick became classmates in English class, he started adoring her.

“This is so sweet of you, Rick. Do I really deserve this?” She titled her head then made a pout, “Thanks.”

“You do deserve it. Trust me. It’s—

“I think I’m about to throw up.” Ellie gagged. Rick looked at her while Penelope made a shut-up face to Ellie.

Rick shook his head then said, “Oh! I almost forgot!” He stood up to show his shoes. “I’m wearing the shoes you said that I look good on.” He pointed to his red Converse snickers.

“Geek.” Ellie coughed and then laughed.

Rick looked at her. “You’re so conceited, you know that.” Ellie smiled sarcastically. He stood up and locked his bag to his shoulders. “Bye Penelope.” He managed to give her a smile as he leave.
“Okay. I just threw up in my mouth.” Ellie made a face like she had just eaten a sour pickled egg. “I can’t believe you’re still talking to that… that weirdo!”

“Give the guy a break Ellie. At least someone wants to be romantic for me. Besides, he’s the only guy that thinks I’m amazing or beautiful, or whatever.” She took a sip at her orange juice. “And did I mention that his poem’s good.”

“No, girl. He can’t be Shakespeare.”

“Speaking of that! How are you and your ‘Mr. Shakespeare514’ doing?” Penelope said doing the quoting with her hands.

“I already told you. His name is Andrew. That ‘Mr. Shakespeare514’ was just his username.”

“Fine. When will you two meet each other? You know… like, talk” Ellie was about to talk. “In person.”

Ellie laughed. “I don’t know! He’s in Denmark and we are in here, in Lonesville. Hello? How can we meet if we’re countries away?” Ellie’s laugh softened until it started to turn into a frown.

“He’s from Denmark?” Penelope seemed excited. “Is he what? Some kind of royalty or something? Oh my gosh. You two could have a ‘Prince and Me’ story.” Her eyes grew bigger as she continued talking. “You get to be Julia Stiles!” She exclaimed, lifting her hands open to Ellie.

Ellie raised an eyebrow. Penelope was definitely doing it again, comparing everyday lives to movies and TV shows.

After a big pause, Penelope resumed talking. “So… do you, like… have feelings for him?” She leaned nearer to her as she waited for an answer.

Ellie wrinkled her forehead. “N, no! It’s as if I will take anything like that seriously!” She sounded so defensive. Penelope could tell.

“Okay! Chill. You don’t have to shout.” She could already see Jane Ronalds and her friends coming. Jane probably already found the note saying bitch in her locker. Penelope put it to her locker this morning. Not wanting to stir up trouble, she asked Ellie to leave. “Let’s go.” They left their table and entered the main building. Right on time, the school bell rang.

“Okay. See ya!” Ellie said. Then both of them put their ring finger on their lips, making a hush sign. They do it every time they separate, meaning that everything said and done the time before is for their own ears only.

Penelope walked down the hallway, still thinking about Ryan Foster. His dark blue eyes. His jet black hair. His smile and the smell of his cologne like a summer breeze. She felt like she was melting. Melting with her love for him. She laughed afterwards, thinking that if Ellie heard that, she’d probably make fun of her.

“48? Where the bloody hell is house 48?” A guy with aquamarine eyes talked to himself with an Australian accent as he scratched his golden brown hair. He was carrying a piece of paper with his left hand and a traveling bad with the other. He looked around and then wrinkled his forehead. He saw a honey blonde woman getting into a Jeep and decided to ask her about the house he was looking for. “Excuse me?” He shifted his traveling bag to his left hand as he approached the brunette. “Hi! I’m kind of new here. Uh… Can you help me find 48 Redstone Street? This is Midtown right?”

The woman went down from her vehicle then said, “I’m afraid there’s no 48 Redstone Street here in Midtown. As you can see Redstone is a street on Uptown.” The guy looked at her as if he is not taking all of what she said in. “Can I have a look at that?” The woman took the piece of paper and listened as he talked.

“Oh. I see. I moved back here actually. I lived on Uptown until I was seven and we moved to Australia. I’m now supposed to live with my grandmother.”

“Maybe I know your grandmother. Can you tell me her name?”
“Lucy. Lucy Myers.”

“Oh, you mean Mrs. Myers? She lives right there.” She pointed to the chiffon house across the street from their position. “We’ve been neighbors since I moved here. That’s our house right there.” She pointed to the two-story house nearby. The house was colored with cream. The color made it look so cozy, the guy thought.

“I’m sorry. I haven’t introduced myself yet.” The guy said. “My name is Justin Reese. And… I would like to thank you for your help, Miss?” He offered a hand.

“Mrs. It’s Mrs. Walker but I’d like you to call me Grace.” She smiled and then took a glance at her Jeep. “I’m sorry. I’m kind of in a hurry.” Justin stared at her beautiful face, wondering about her age. “Well anyways, welcome to Lonesville!” She sounded like she’s on campaign, Justin thought. He waved goodbye as the vehicle left.

Justin thought of Grace as he walked towards the house. He still wondered how old she is. She looked like someone in her late twenties. Twenty seven? But she said she was a Mrs. So, she’s married. He sighed in a brief disappointment as he arrived to the door. If she’s twenty seven and married, she couldn’t have a daughter. He reached for the keys in his pocket. Well, if she has one she must be pretty. But for a twenty-seven year old mother, her daughter must be young. Too young, he thought as he opened the sky blue door. A note rested in a coffee table right before the foyer. “Downtown with your Grandmother, Aunt Cecil.” After reading it, he started unpacking.

U.S History. Most boring class ever, Penelope thought. She’s so used to drift away in thoughts during History class. Drawing stuff and some scribblings. Imagining things. Sleeping. She couldn’t have been better in showing how boring the class really was. What’s worse is in Fridays it’s the final class and if it’s not a Friday, in Tuesdays and Wenesdays, it’s her first class, coming before English. Then in Thursdays, it comes before lunch. Really good timing, she said to herself. Thank God there’s no History class during Mondays.

Mrs. Randall talked about history all the time. Doesn’t she know anything else? Of course she’s talking about history. It’s History Class. This is the only class that she found it hard to maintain an A. It is so hard for her to be interested in it. It’s not even fascinating unlike Math and Science. For Penelope, Math is like a magic trick that she wanted to learn to impress other people and Science is an experience she wanted to live. Okay. Maybe she paid attention in History class before. There’s this one time when they discussed Joan of Arc. She found it interesting because she watched the TV show, Joan of Arcadia. She still knew some facts and stuff though, like that Columbus guy who discovered America and those little Indians settling in first. I mean really. Why bother? She even thought that extra credits should be given for her huge efforts for at least staying awake in class.

Penelope felt like sleeping. She could already tell she’s starting to doze off. She stopped herself. She couldn’t sleep now. Mrs. Randall was on full-time-ambush-recitation mode. One display of lack of attention and you’ll face humiliation. She decided to keep herself busy. She’s already worned out scribbling Ryan’s name on the back of her notebook. She looked around the classroom. By the window near her seat, she stared outside. She was lost outside looking for Ryan in a crowd of boys in their Gym class. Because he’s in the varsity, he’s allowed not to take Gym Class. It counts as a free time. She felt a bit jealous about it. What if I become a cheerleader so I could skip gym? She shook off the thought and thought about his face again.

He’s so cute. Hotter than David Beckham.

Penelope indulged to her thoughts. If Ryan was on David Beckham’s generation, he could have beaten him. Both, in looks and soccer. She just stared at him as he played with a soccer ball. I’ll be his Posh. He passed it, one foot to the other. He kicks it high and played with it with his head, dribbling it then dropping it to his knee, still dribbling. The dribbling didn’t stop for a while. It amused Penelope. Finally he stopped dribbling, and then kicked the ball hard to the goal.

“He shoot, he scores, goal!” A girl seating back one seat from Penelope said. “Isn’t he cute? I mean, not just cute. He’s so talented with soccer and very nice too.” Penelope looked spitefully to Jane Ronalds, their running valedictorian. “Not to mention hot and cute. He is such a triple threat… just like me!” She let out a laugh.

Penelope squinted her eyes, staring at her. “I wonder…” She tilted her head. ‘Are you really a triple threat, Jane?”

“Of course I am! I’m smart and pretty and…” Jane stopped to think. Penelope was now facing her, crossing her arms, forcing herself not to laugh. She raised an eyebrow at her. “And intelligent! Ha! How’s that for a triple threat?!” Jane laughed in conceit, emphasizing her pointy chin. Penelope had to admit. The pointy chin looks cute and smart. But when she laughs, ugh. It looked so weird and pointy.

Oh god. I seriously must beat her. She’s going to be the dumbest valedictorian in Lonesville.

Jane’s really not that dumb, Penelope admitted to herself. She’s, in fact, the smartest redhead she ever saw. But when the time comes that she’s dumb, she’s beyond dumb. But even though, she’s their valedictorian. Penelope was just in second place. Well. Not for long.

“Ms. Walker?!” The teacher’s loud voice made them jump. Penelope could feel eyes darting at her.

“Yes, Mrs. Randall?” Her voice was shaky, she couldn’t stop it. She already knew it. This is going to be very embarrassing.

“Not paying attention aren’t we? Jane, darling.” She said happily as she faced Jane. “Could you repeat my question for her please.” She said. Her words made Penelope gag. Jane? Darling? Ugh. The two of them could live together as mother and daughter if they want to. No one will notice the nonexistent bloodline.

“I don’t want to.” Jane said. The whole class froze, watching the three of us. Mrs. Randall moved away and looked around the room to spot another student to repeat the question. Penelope could hear others whisper. It shocked Penelope. She was well aware that Jane was a teacher’s pet but this was beyond that. Maybe they’re really related, Penelope thought. Or better yet, they have an affair! She called another student. “You! Can you repeat the question?’ The boy froze. Obviously, he too wasn’t listening. “C’mon. Don’t waste the credit that Ms. Ronalds decided to pass on for you.” What on earth is going on? Jane wasn’t a teacher’s pet. The teacher was her pet! She felt the whole class in tension. She’s sure that everyone else was thinking the same thing. She was now staring at Jane, thinking the worst things about her. In Penelope’s head, she’s already punching her annoying little face, shouting at her, swearing and cursing.

Shithead! Cowface! Bitch! Motherfu—

The bell rang. Students were rushing to the door. As they leave to the hallway, Penelope can hear everyone exhaling. Everyone was relieved. She hurried to her locker for the sake of security. She opened it and hid her face behind the open locker door. She was afraid that Jane would tell Lisa and her clique to give her a rough time because of the bitch note thing. She convinced herself to calm down. She inhaled and exhaled deeply then decided to walk to her next class. She exchanged some notebooks and closed the locker door and like a thriller, Jane’s pointy chin was behind it.

“You got lucky this time second placer Penelope!” She talked with her chin looking like it’s going to stab Penelope. But before Ms. Stabbing-Pointy-Chin could talk more, Penelope already fled.

Ryan walked on the hallway when Billy walked beside him. He’s an overweight black boy that wore the school mascot, Tigers. Ryan looked at his undersized pink shirt and then laughed at its print saying eat me.

“C’mon, man.” The boy tapped Ryan’s shoulder. “This shirt is cool.”

Ryan pulled a serious face then said, “I agree.”

“So, what’s up?”

“Nothing much.” The truth is Ryan was thinking about his relationship with Amanda. They just broke up yesterday. Again. Now, they’ve broken up eight times. But Ryan felt like this is the last one like they’d never get back together like those other seven times when they just kiss and make up. “Just stuff.” He uttered.

“Gotta keep it together, man. Ya need focus on the game. The games are coming y’know.” They were too close for him not to notice what Ryan’s been thinking. But still, not too close for Ryan to tell him everything about him and Amanda. No one knew that they broke up eight times and then patch things up with a kiss then celebrate with sex. No one knew how bumpy their relationship was. No one knew how moody Amanda was when it comes to sex. Sometimes, she tends to be like such a virgin, not wanting to do it. Opposite of Ryan who sometimes gets too aggressive about it. All that everyone knew was they’re the perfect couple. Ryan and Amanda. Forever.

“Y’know what? You need a new girl for the dance.” Ryan was surprised. Does Billy know everything about the breakup? If he did, then who else know? “Don’t worry. I’ll find the perfect rebound for you.”

“Billy.” Obviously, Billy has no idea. The only thing he knew was they’re broken up. He must think that their split is for good. Even though Ryan was fully convinced that there was never going to be another sequel of their relationship, a straw of hope still remained in him.

“I know, I know. You’re looking for someone hotter than Amanda. Let’s take a look shall we.” They exit the hallway, out to the school square. The school square is a, well, square free space between the buildings of Lonesville Highschool. Students hang out there between classes and free time. Billy looked around, trying to spot someone really popular. Someone really hot. Someone that could at least match Amanda. Jackpot, Billy though with a grin upon spotting a blond girl in a hime cut wearing a cheerleading uniform. Her hime cut was a perfection. Her long straight hair goes below the shoulder blades and her bangs go to the eyebrows. She has a brilliant tan on her amazing body. Plump breasts and a very fine ass. Her hair was let down, just below her shoulders. “Why not ask Bridgette? Head Cheerleader. Pretty. Single and scorching hot.”

“I don’t know.” Ryan said trying to stop him. It’s just wrong. But it was too late. He already called her and she’s already coming over.

“Hey Ryan.” She said sticking her chest out. What the hell is she doing?

“Hey.” He shied his eyes away, trying to convince her that he’s not interested.

“My man Ryan, wants you to go with him to the Halloween Dance.” Billy took over. Damn. This isn’t right.

“Sure. I’d love too.” She leaned towards Ryan who was still looking away. He felt something soft touch his cheek and he realized, he just kissed her.

After she walked away, Ryan hit Billy’s head. “What was that for?” Billy asked angrily, massaging his head.

“She’s Amanda’s best friend, you idiot.”

The last bell rang and Penelope was meeting up with Ellie at the benches by the school front. “Hey! Come with me to the library.” Penelope didn’t respond. She was waiting for some other word. “Please.” Ellie said half-heartedly.

“I’m sorry, El. I can’t. I’ve got groceries to do.” Ellie was staring at her. “Maybe next time, okay?” She tapped Ellie’s shoulder then left.

“I’ll call you!” She looked back to Ellie. Ellie didn’t budge. After a while of staring at each other, Ellie gave up and smiled at her and made their signature hush sign. Penelope did the hush sign herself and then left.

Grace was talking on the phone when Penelope arrived home. Penelope watched her, trying to find the right timing to interrupt her to ask for the grocery list. As she looked at her, she looked like those women on TV and movies. Those powerful career women and feminists. She didn’t just look like one of them. She’s one of them. Her mother turned around, still talking, surprised to find Penelope behind her. Penelope mouthed the word list while drawing a square with her hands. Her mother pointed by the counter where a piece of paper rests.

“Butter? Check. Noodles? Check. Vegetables? Check. Apples, grapes and oranges? Check, check, check.” Even though she found it silly, Penelope kept on roll-calling the grocery list. She can’t help it. It feels like she had succeeded on something and she’s proud of it. She looked around a little, looking for the real reason she went to the grocery. Premium chocolates. She loves them. No. Love isn’t enough. She’s addicted to them like Ellie’s addicted to coffee. Twice a year, the Midtown grocery has a special offer for chocolate lovers. They’re packages of premium chocolates from all-over the globe. Well, not entirely but some came from Italy and other places too. There’s always stuff like that in the mall on Downtown but Penelope preferred the ones sold in the grocery, with a whooping discount of seventy-five percent! Selling it only twice a year makes it more special. She peered from isles to isles. That’s how their work. Their literally hidden in the grocery. She’s already in the soaps and detergents isle when she came across the large bars of soap boxes and among them was a box with the same color, trying to blend with the crowd of soap boxes, but obviously different. She’s about to reach for it. Her heart thumping. She has it. She’s going to have it in her own hands. As she slowly reached for it, she imagined herself eating them. She’s so lucky.

“Whadd’ya know? I am so lucky.” A guy, golden brown haired, skinny tanned body, with an Australian accent, told himself, laughing, after reaching for mysteriously packaged box.

Penelope saw the whole thing happened so fast, the guy taking the box fast before she could actually touch it. Penelope cracked. They’re gold premium! On sale! A few seconds ago, that box was hers. “What do you think you’re doing?”

The guy looked at her, surprised with her threatening tone. “Excuse me?”

“Yes! You! What do you think you’re doing?” She shouted at him.

“Oh. This?” He lifted the box with the chocolates inside. “I’m lucky I found it first before someone else does. I still can’t believe it actually. The timing that I needed something special for a special someone. Wow.” He humbly ran his hand through his golden brown hair.

“No! Look. The thing is I found it first. I was about to reach for it when—

“My hand grabbed it faster than yours.” He smiled after completing Penelope’s sentence. Penelope made an I’m-upset-so-please-give-me-chocolates face. His smile faded. “Ok. I’m sorry. I suppose I don’t to make a lady sad by taking her chocolates."

Penelope smiled. This is easy. “So… Can I have my chocolates now please.” She pouted.

The guy paused for a while, as if thinking. He made a tsk sound. “No. Still no.’"He laughed. He came closer to her face, revealing his glowing aquamarine eyes, then whispered, “I took it first and you just have to get over it.” Hi grinned then turned his heel, walked away.

Penelope forced herself to relax, went to the counter to pay then left using her bike. His accent. His stupid smile. The box in his hands full of premium chocolates that were sold on sale. Worse. Only sold for low price just twice a year. The thoughts went on as Penelope got angrier. She left the bike leaning on the garage wall and stomped her way inside the house. She went straight to the kitchen where her mother smiled at her fondly. Penelope stared suspiciously at her mother as she put the grocery bags down on the kitchen counter. “You can stop smiling now.” She put her hands to her waist, as if she was the mother. “What do you want?”

“Nothing. I just thought that maybe you could help me tonight.” Penelope rolled her eyes. “One of my waitresses is sick. There’s no other option.”

“Figures.”

“Did you say something?”

She smiled. “Pictures. I said ‘pictures’. I’ll bring my camera to take pictures, just in case.”

Penelope went up to her room to get her camera. There’s no need to change, she thought. Her mother would probably make her change into one of the waitress’s uniform anyways. Penelope found herself in her mother’s car, driving to the opposite direction Penelope thought they would be going. That moment, she knew something would happen but she just can’t seem to put her finger on it.

Okay. I promised that I'll break down the details about our overnight picnic, and here I am fulfilling it. Four o'clock in the afternoon yesterday, I went to school to meet up with my fellow officers and the applicants that have just graduated. We didn't leave right away. So, I chatted with Raina, Fatima, and Jeffrey. Mark Paul hasn't come yet and Virgi and Niña won't be joining. Both of them were in Manila. Charmine was there too, chatting with Sandy and her friends. Then the rest were also chatting their way through impatience of waiting. Then after a while, Robin, Mark Paul, Gecca, Alyssa B., Carla and Ian showed up(Not all at the same time.) Then off we went to Nawawalang Paraiso Hotel and Resort.

The ones that weren't able to join us were Marcel, Virgi, Niña, Christine Ruazol, Vea, Jocelyn, and Glaiza. On the applicants, the ones who weren't there that I've noticed was Enrique and Gain. There's a little story behind it. Gain and Enrique, i think, was about to make a reservation(or whatever reason. I'm not entirely sure.) at the resort a couple of days before. They left Lucban riding a motorcycle. Then, (I'm still unsure if it's on the way there or the way back) there was a stone on the road that they didn't notice and they crashed to the ground(I hear it was mud). Gain had stitches while Enrique only had bruises.

We arrived at the resort after riding a jeepney. We went straight to our cottage and took the time to relax. So far, nothing much happened. I saw Roxanne eating chocnut(small peanut butter chocolate bar.) and had ones myself. I was just sitting there texting Ova, chatting with people that are near my seat, often with Rarina, Christine, , Fatima, Mark Paul and Jeffrey. Jessica offered us white bread and I gladly took one. I helped myself to a glass water and two brownies. Raina and I decided to walk because the others(Christine, Fatima, Jeffrey and Mark Paul) looked like they weren't going anywhere while the others(Robin, Meng and some others else) already took a walk and were already somewhere else. I sat down on one of the benches by the pool and Raina leaned on the street lamp. Others went out of the cottage and took a walk too. We are back on our cottage when Enrique arrived. Then Sir Dator. We greeted him. It started to get dark when Marcel arrived. We had dinner and yet, no one's still swimming. Then the graduated applicants went to the pool. Some of us officers went too but there's more left in the cottage where we were already passing shots with Sir Dator. After noticing the alcohol effecting me a little, I went by the pool. Okay. I'm totally forgetting the series of events but soon I decided to change my shorts and take my shirt off and go for a swim. That was after Fatima, Mark Paul and I played cards(tong-its to be exact). The night went on. I was already in the pool. The three of us, me, Jeffrey and Mark Paul, showed each if we could do a proper dive. They said that we all did it properly but I sensed that they were making fun of me. Whatever.

Everyone's gathered up in the cottage as the graduated applicants preparedsome numbers for us(commanded by Sir Dator) hosted by Hexene(that too.) They were over-all entertaining. Some were good some were just boring. I really got the series jumbled in my brain. I can remember drinkking coffee and eating brownies and also looking for baked macaroni. Ova also called me. We talked for a while. Then soon, i wore my jacket, trying to sleep. I tried my hardest but I really couldn't so I told some people stories about Ova and I and stuff like that. Then, I was able to sleep for like 30 minutes less. I woke up hearing an unsual silence in the cottage. After opening my eyes, I saw the applicants on a formation. They were about to udergo initiation on our hands.

I paired up with Loren and I picked the spot by the 6 feet edge of the pool. The initiation realized that it was the wrong idea when the applicants went by, finding it hard to execute the exercises we gave them. I had notable applicants passing by like Jhan Paul who was afraid with the deep water, Enrique who hurt his knees because of his unhealed bruises, Rabi that was too tired to swim but still managed to do so and also the nonswimmers Ayson and David who we made sang Bahay Kubo. After the initiation, they all did jumping jacks in the pool commanded by Sir Dator. Then after that, we packed and went home in the jeep again. Now, I was holding on outside the jeepney. I was a little nervous about it at first but then I managed to get comfortable with the fresh air that blows to my face during the trip and before I knew it, we were already in Lucban.

Later this afternoon, We, last year CAT officers and the current officers (I don't know how to put it but it's right, right?), will meet up at school, 4 pm. That's our meeting place for the overnight outing that they threw for us.(or for their recent graduation? but I think it's more like for us. Cause, apparently, we are the guests. LOL.) We'll be spending the night at Nawawalang Paraiso Hotel and Resort. It should be fun right? I mean the pool, the vacation-feel of the place. That should remind me that it's still summer. Of course, there's also the free food. LOL. Anyways, I'll update y'all soon as I get back online. See ya!

“Wait here.” The girl walked towards the door. “I have an extra skirt in my locker.”

“No! Wait.” She shied her eyes away from Amanda’s. “I’d rather have jeans, please.” She seemed to be traumatized. Even though it wasn’t the skirts’ fault, she’s sure that jeans would make her feel safer.

After a few minutes, Penelope was saved by a tampon and a pair of jeans brought by the a brunette on a red dress. Before Penelope could even change, Amanda started to leave.

“Thank you.” Penelope said to the girl who was already on the door.

Amanda stopped. “Don’t mention it.” She turned around, her face serious. “Seriously. Don’t mention this. Ever. This didn’t happen. We never talked. We never saw each other. Never.” With her last word, she was gone.

I'm going to start posting The Elites. They're what I've written so far. Please be patient as you wait for the next chapters. Thanks. Drop comments!

I usually don't give much details about stuff like these here in my blog for I respect other people's privacy. But now I don't care. He crossed the line and I'm going to cross mine. The issue that I'm dealing with right now is a friend problem. To be honest, I really don't have any idea if it is a clique problem, friend problem or a rivalry thingy or even just a personality issue or a he's-just-being-a-bitch-with-his-ego issue. Give it up for the queen bee, Robin. He's doing it again. The last time we had a fight is that all-against-one fight. Him against almost the entire clique. That was all forgiven and done. It was a huge misunderstanding anyways. This time, I'm sure of it. It is not a misunderstanding. Here's how the story goes:

As a matter of fact our clique isn't really that stable. We stand in a shaky ground. It's like different personalities, thoughts and perspectives all mixed together. Some get along and some really just don't. Fights were avoided by letting an offense slip away or just tolerating it. Some even just ignore offenses. We had notable fights this senior year, including:

1. Meng's madly obesessive love for Jeffrey which involves her brain miscalculating things with the involvements of spies and stuff like that. She even saw the whole thing as an unfair fight where it's three against one. This also comes with her thinking that Christine and Jeffrey are having an affair. So false! And if it is true, what's it to her? Thiis whole thing went on for many weeks. I think it's for a month. Okay. That's enough. Moving on.
   
2. Robin being a complete bitch in the classroom for like three days straight or so. We(when I say we, I mean us. Circle of Best Friends. Seriously. The Circle of Best Friends cracks me up. It's hilarious.) all agreed that we don't like him acting that way. So we decided to not talk to him unless he talks to us first. It turned out to be easy because I was always chattting with Neil, Patrick, Danilo and Mark Paul near my seat. Robin made a joke about me that I don't really want at that moment so I shut him up and I could tell, he was surprised and at the same time angry. By the way, I give myself props for that. There's this one time where almost everyone on our clique agreed that he's behavior was very rude. The whole turning point of the sutiuation where it became worse when Robin, Fatima and Raina went to Fatima's house to get the wine glasses that we took from our Prom as souvenir. On the other side, Virgi and Christine planned to hang out at Niña's for they will use the internet. Jeffrey decided to join them which causes Bernard?, Rubio and Jiru to join too. It also turned out that Kim and Roxanne joined thm too. Micah was at her own house and I was on my way to Lucena, preparing for my interview on UST in Manila. Then that's when it all gone worse. Robin went to Niña's to give a speech and the Monay after that things were really cold. Soon, we patched things up.
   
3. The latest before this fight was the Fatima, Raina and Christine's friendship triangle. Well, that's how I saw it. It's sort of self explanatory. Raina and Christine are best friends then all of the sudden, in the midst of Robin's fight, Raina was always with Fatima. Then it turned out that they were best friends already and it made Christine angrier. Time's the main reason that Christine's anger diminished. And everything's okay until...

This last week. High School's over but it feels like we're still in it. Apparently, Robin was mad at our 'Circle of Best Friends'. I don't know for what reason but after a while, I heard that it's because... we're best friends. We were just like WTF? It's completely unfair for him to be mad for that reason. First, because we've been best friends since Meng's issue. And he already knew it for a while. How come he's mad now? Why now? When it's already had been months since we started the circle, why would he be mad now? Then I learned that he's mad because he feels out of placed everytime we're together. Robin Matthew Alarcon. Out of placed? You have got to be kidding me! He always had someone to talk to. Alyssa. Meng. Micah. It's unlikely of him to complain about it. And if that's the real reason, why is he so mad? I've known people that were out of placed and none of them were mad like they were blaming people because they had been out of placed. It's really an unfair thing with him bitching around while we we're not doing anything against him. We didn't even do anything. Nothing in purpose. And after all of these things... Now you guys know.

I wasn't mad at him or anything. I am more like frustrated. But now. I am mad. The BBS(It's a clique with gay guys along with their friends. There's some straight people there too.) had a party last night, celebrating Ivan's(Ova's gay brother.) birthday. Ova asks me to come but I didn't want to. It's weird. It's right across our street. And an attire of pink was required. I never personally wore pink before. I wore one once. It's our soccer uniform. Anyways, Ova called me asking me one more time to join them, on the background I could hear her friend Jemily asking who I was. After Ova told her, she had a follow up question, "He's gay right?" I found it funny and annoying at the same time. Then she said goodbye and I went to sleep. I woke up 5 in the morning. I peed then went back to bed. I checked my phone for messages and I had one from Ova. She said that she's mad at Robin because he's been telling everyone stories about me. One even included Mark Paul. I kew it. I was expecting it. And it happened. The whole me being gay thing was put into spot light. How many times must I tell people that I'm straight. That's when I really got mad at Robin. Besides the fact that I haven't done anything against him, I sort of thought he knows who I really am. It turned out that he thinks of me as someone else and conviniently he told everyone about it. Smooth move. Really smooth. That's all for now. I'm having lunch. See ya!

Summer's all fun but I can't believe my favorite shows are all in their finales already. As you all know, Top Model had just finished it's 12th Cycle. But Guess what? Drum roll please. One Tree Hill and Gossip Girl are both having their season finale next week! Here's a little preview about the finale.

One Tree Hill
Season 6, Episode 24
Remember me As a Time of Day

Tree Hill bids goodbye to the past while anticipating the future:
Lucas and Peyton prepare for the birth of their child with the help of a surprise visitor,
Dan nears his end, and Brooke works with Victoria to relaunch Clothes Over Bro's. Meanwhile, Nathan returns to Tree Hill to face Haley and Jamie after being released from the Chiefs.



Preview 1



Preview 2



Gossip Girl
Season 2, Episode 25
The Goodbye Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl decides to send a shocking email blast in the graduation ceremony of
Constance Billard and St. Jude's, pushing Serena to device a devious plan of attack.
The Mean Girls Club challenge Jenny to succeed Blair as Queen Bee for next year.
Lily and Rufus struggle with their relationship after Lily's betrayal.
As for the cliffhangers, Blair and Chuck finally...
and Serena is shocked by...and Georgina decides to...
and Dan, Nate and Vanessa unknowingly...

Preview 1



Preview 2

Sneak Peak

I just visited TV.Com for some updates and I came across an article saying that the CW will announce the departure of One Tree Hill stars Hilary Burton and Chad Michael Murray. It says there that an official announcement is expected at next week's CW upfront presentation. And with both characters' departures, EW says a new crop of characters will take Lucas and Peyton's place: an older sister for Haley, a model who becomes the face of Brooke's fashion line, and a sports agent whose client is Nathan. That's just so crappy of the CW. I feel sorry for the characters. I was really looking forward to more of Peyton's music and Lucas being a writer. Whatever. I'm now listening to a playlist I created that composed of songs that I discovered on the show. The playlist is like the mourning to Peyton and Lucas. Damn. I still can't imagine the show without the two of them. Before I forget, check this out. Hilary Burton made this blog with some people and I've got to say, I think she's really a cool person. I don't know if it's because of Peyton in her shadow but it feels great to see her somewhere else other than Tree Hill.

Teyona Anderson







McKey Sullivan







Whitney Thompson







Saleisha Stowers







Jaslene Gonzalez







CariDee English






Danielle Evans








Nicole Linkletter







Naima Mora







Eva Pigford







Yoanna House








Adrianne Curry

Yesterday was the 15th of May, one of the most looked forward days of the year here in our little town of Lucban. It's because it's the Harvesst Festival, commonly called here as he Pahiyas Festival. It's a thanksgiving for the Patron Saint of Farmers, San Isidro Labrador. It is celebrated throughout Quezon. Here in Lucban, houses are decorated with grains, vegetables and other stuffs from the harvest.

I arrived home. All I saw was my relatives there. I made my occassional mano to the elders then I went inside to pee. I went out to watch out for my friends and as I expected, they showed up after a few minutes. Much to my surprise, Robin was with them. It's not that I don't want to be around him or anything. It's just weird being at the same place with him knowing that he's mad with our so called "circle of friends". I greeted them as a whole then I asked them to wait for Jeffrey, Virgi, Mark Paul and Christine. Micah said that it's okay because she also had to wait for Patz. Robin was in the background saying some stuff. I couldn't make out the words. I chose not to make out the words. After I talked Virgi, Jeffrey and Jefty who had just arrived, I glanced around and Robin was gone. After a while he showed up, walked behind Virgi's back then bitched about Virgi's henna tattoo. Virgi freaked out and became really mad. I told her to relax but she didn't listen and said that she doesn't want to be around him anymore. Patz arrived and we went on our way to Alyssa's. The walk, as I expected, was full of stirred up emotions with lots of awkwardness. We isolated ourselves from Robin who was walking with Meng and the others. We were ahead of them. We arrived at Alyssa's first and I greeted her Grandmother with a mano, that went for her parents too.

We grabbed our plates with me leading to the food. The food was really great but what's not great is Robin bitching again. There were two tables outside Alyssa's house. A round one and a rectangular one. At first, no one went outside so I decided to go but as I went outside, it turned out that Robin and some of ou friends are going there too. I looked at the table that was occupied by Robin and the empty round one. I can't just seat alone at that table. That's when I decided to seat with them at their table. I forced myself to look calm and unaffected which pretty much paid off because Kim acknowledged that Mark Paul and I seemed to be unaffected. While eating, Robin was just bitching and talking and bitching. Micah and Alyssa tried to stop him but it didn't necessarily work. We waited for Kia and Macy to arrive. Jiru also arrived. (edited) Fatima arrived before Jiru.(/edited. I forgot. Sorry.) I greeted him happily and he replied with his unusual not energetic self. The things is it is getting pretty late. We still have to go around the town to checkout the winners and stuff like that. We also have to go to Niña's and then go to my place and have a celebration because May 15 was Micah's birthday too. Someone asked me if we could just go on and proceed to Niña's but I told him/her that maybe we should stay a bit longer because Jiru had just arrived. They agreed and after a while, we left. Before leaving we took some pictures.

The plan is explore the town, eat at Niña's then have a drink at our place. As we were exploring near the local supermarket, we passed by a house where Ma'am Donna and Sir Maranan was in. We stopped to say hi. Thank God we did because if we didn't, we couldn't have found out that Niña was waiting for us since forever and she hasn't explored the town yet. I almost forgot. We lost track of Robin, Meng, Fatima, and Bernard. We thought they were behind us but it turned out that they're not. Now, the plan is fetch Niña, explore the town, eat at Niña's and then have a drink at our place. We're done fetching Niña. We're just waiting for Kim who was buying a coke. I decided to pee at Niña's first. We started walking then a surprise was walking opposite our direction. It was Robin, Meng, Fatima and Raina (edited) and also Jiru (/edited. I didn't see him. Sorry.). Robin went to the sides then said, "Eeh!" in a very sarcastic way.

We explored the town then ate at Niña's where Meng, Fatima and Raina followed. Then we left and Meng was pretty pissed off. She even sent us a message afterwards saying that if we don't want to make nice with Robin then don't. She said that she doesn't want to get involved anymore and stuff like that. After that small acknowledgement we proceeded with the dirnking where everything to me seemed to be blurry and fast. Ova called me from time to time. After the drinking session for Micah's birthday, I cleaned up and Ova called me again and we had a surprisingly serious conversation.