Lostguy818

I already got past the first week of college and it is surprisingly great. Everything is great, my classmates, my teachers and my schedule. My first period is alway at least nine a.m. That was so convinient since I have to do my daily computer routines. Surprisingly again, it's not that tough. Nothing seems hard yet. Of course, there's Chemistry but still, there's nothing yet that topped some of the hardest times in high school. But hey, it's just the second week. Who knows? Maybe they're planning to surprise us with a very heavy load work of assignments and school works. The teachers were great. My favorite subjects so far are Psychology, Math and Chemistry(?) Psychology because... it's Psychology! Duh. Do I need to say more? Math because the teacher is cute as a button and Chemistry(Lecture) because the teacher seemed to be very smart which is very contrary to our Chemistry(Laboratory) teacher. Sometimes, she tends to look unsure of what she's doing. But I'm trying my hardest to focus. I also picked my boring subjects. They are Filipino, and... I can't believe I'm saying this... English! I know! That's supposed to be my all time favorite subject! But the teacher is not just that fun and... alive unlike my previous teachers on English(Ma'am Mopera, Sir Salvanera, Ma'am Palmero, even Ma'am Glorioso.) The worst part of him(yes. He's a guy) is that he always has this pauses everytime he speaks. It was hard to concentrate with his words. I still don't know about TFN and P.E. because we only had one meeting. But i'm guessing that both would eb fun.

My classmates are great. They are now fun unlike my first impressions of very quiet and studious students. Yeah, they talked now but the intimidating feeling of, like, they always have some sort of surprising intelligence rolled up on their sleeves. Honestly, I'm scared. But so far, so good because I'm one of the students that speaks out in class discussions. I really hope the teachers would be impressed. LOL. And now I can rememeber some names. Our Circle of Nine is composed of Me, Levy, Don, Popol, Raul, Micko, Gerard, Joana and Faye. They said that Mary Anne and Famella was now a part of the circle. Jaja was too, I think. In the whole class, Jaja was the one that I'm really interested in. Of course, she's from New Jersey. I could ask her some questions about the life there. She could help me big time. And fortunately, I have 3(?) classes that I'm sitting beside her. I can also remember Jenny, Jean, Eva(?) or Fonda(I forgot. LOL), CM, Geo, there's more. I just can't think right now. Probably because it's 8:15 and I'll have my first period on 9:30. Goota go! Bye!

So, I just had my first day in college. It was, well, I don't know. The night before we watched Drag Me To Hell. That sort of kept my mind away from thinking about college but then later, when I'm already lying on my bed, I just can't sleep. I just hated that. I'm always having a hard time trying to sleep at times like this. I just can't help thinking about what if's. Eventually, I 'forced' myself to sleep after a cockroach attacked me. It flew right into my cheek! Think of it. The horror *shudders*. I woke up by 5 am because I still have to go on my daily computer work like e-mails, social accounts and a little bit of writing. My first period was on 7:30, so I left the house by 7:15. On the road, unfortunately, was an annoying traffic. The clock is ticking and it is nearly 7:30. I grew nervous. I appreciated the driver's effort though. He had several attempts to overtake some of the vehicles. After arriving by the school gates, I didn't even bother checking the time. As I walked briskly to my building, I talked to some professors from the Allied Medicine. I recognized it was the Dean. I greeted her good morning and asked her where does the freshmen stay. She told me to go straight to the building, so I did.

I changed my pace. This time, I walked slowly, looking for people I know. It was so stupid of me because all of my previous schoolmates don't have their first period until 8:30. I stood a few feet away from the building where other nursing students on their uniforms(higher years. Yikes.) are all over the place. I froze. I hate this, I told myself. Crap, crap, crap, I continued saying to myself as I see people looking at me. I feel so awkward and socially incapable. Luckily, I saw two girls wearing a pair of jeans. Clearly, freshmen. I stood a few feet beside them and I hid behind a van. LOL. I was starting to get anxious when Tita Jo(I forgot what she does but she's part of the faculty of Allied Medicine), called us into the building. I walked inside trying to ignore the feeling that eveyone's looking at me. I know i'm exaggerating but that's how I really felt. Haha. I followed the two girls, walking upstairs, then all I saw was empty hallways. Crap, I told myself. Where to? I heard footsteps walking up the stairs. I turned around to see Joris(an alumni of our high school). I asked her where my room is and she gladly pointed it to me. It was really nearby. I walked into the room and I saw Dianne(Obleada. a friend and batchmate) I walked towards her to say hi, not minding the other 49 students in the room. Then she asked me if I belong in Section D. I said, "No. I'm supposed to be in Section C." Shit. I got the wrong room. Luckily, my real room was just the next one. I walked in from the south end corner of the classroom. I stopped to scan the place for familiar faces and empty chairs. And the 'convinience' of it all, I saw Popol waving at me, pointing to an empty chair beside him on the front row. I wanted to seat somewhere else. Anywhere, just not beside him because I don't really don't like him that much. I don't know. I just get that vibe from him.

The next thing I knew, I was sitting beside Popol. I have no other choice. That's the only seat left. talk about 'convinience'. We waited for our professor. Everyone has their own business. Popol is talking to everyone near our seats, who were his previous classmates from Lucban Academy, some are talking to their seatmates, trying to get to know each other. As for me, I'm just texting my friends, telling them that it wasn't going great. After a while, a teacher came in. We akwardly greeted her good morning then it turned out that she's not our professor and she got the wrong room. The room burst into laughter. I just smiled. Laughing hard on the morning of the first day? In front of a teacher? Uh-uh. I don't think so. I was getting really bored when I saw familiar faces walking on the corridors. It was Kim and Niña. Then some time after, everyone was there too. I felt a little lonely because I should have been there with them. With my friends. But I got over it soon. Tita Jo walked in and announced that some of us would be moved to Section E. First, I felt excited. I might wound up with my friends. But i shook it off, knowing it's impossible.

To my joy, I wan't included to those who will move. Thank God. I really liked my classmates. They all look so... quiet. LOL. Except for those that I already know like Popol, Faye, Levy, Gob and Joana. Seating next to Levy was this guy. I know his face but I forgot his name and next to the forgotten guy was Gerard. Someone from Luisiana and Robin has a crush on him. It turned out that there were scheduling conflicts and our first period might be moved. Either on the evening or another time(morning or afternoon? i forgot.) It was announced that we can spend our free time until our next period. We left the building and sat on the cottage across it. I was hanging out with the sudents I know. I barely talked. I want to come across as quiet, deep and smart. Hahaha. I gave my notebook, which is the only thing I brought by the way along with my class cards and some papers, to Joana. I went to the canteen to buy a ballpen. Tita Jo borrowed mine and never returned it. LOL. On the canteen, there was no one standing behind the counter. I was growing impatient. What if something comes up on our building? How would I know when I'm on the canteen? After ten minutes, a woman sold me a ballpen and I hurried back to my classmates whom I met on the way back. It turned out that they'd be going to the canteen. We walked around a little bit and I saw familiar faces. They are Virgi, Paula, Jonathan, Grene, Danilo, Icon, there were others too. I'm just trired of enumerating all of them. LOL.

The first class we had was the College Algebra. The first thing I gotta say is, "The teacher is so cute!" I mean, she's old and a teacher but she has this way of talking that was just cute. Plus, she has a cute height too. LOL. By the way her name is Ms. Camson or if we like, we could call her Ma'am C. She asked us where we graduated nd stuff like that. After finding out that I was the only one in our class that was an alumni of our school, she announced that I was the model student and that others should observe me. I couldn't believe that for a second. I was so embarassed. The second class we had was Chemistry(Lecture). My first of the teacher was... an awful grouch. It was just her smile. It's like there's impatience or something behind it. We introduced ourselves and when it's my turn to introduce myself, I received an applause after saying that I graduated from our school. I was like, "Seriously. I'm nothing special." After we introduced ourselves, Ms. Laguador(we can also call her Ma'am Awi), our teacher, told us about her. And there I saw that she has a human inside her. LOL. Seriously, I was intimidated the first time she spoke. After Chemistry, it was lunch break.

I went back home, rding with Popol and Joana. I went straight to my room and laid down on my bed. It was exhausting. My next class was on 1:30 which mean I have lots of time to spare. I tried to sleep but I just can't seem to. Then when it's almost 1:30 on our wall clock, I went to our room for Chemistry(Laboratory). Arriving on the building, I found out that our wall clock is so advanced. It's still 20 minutes before 1:30. But I can't turn back right now, right? So I proceeded to the room. No one. There was not a single soul in the room. I went inside and sat down. I almost fell to the floor because of the broken-legged chair I sat on. Luckily, no one saw the 'accident'. After a few minutes of waiting, other year students came in. They talked to me and asked me questions. In my head, I said, "Please just don't ask me why I'm early." Then there was the question. After a few seconds after I thought of it, a girl asked me. I forgot what I said but I was really embarassed. My classmates didn't arrive until exactly 1:30. I found out that they were upstairs. I could've just gotten their phone numbers earlier. We waited for our teacher but no one came until after 15 minutes. Our teacher has this fly-away like hair. I thought it was funny. She told us that she was waiting in another room because the laboratory apparatuses. We went to our 'real' room and I sat beside Levy, Mi(c?)ko, Joana and Faye.I let my arms rest on the table. I laid my head on my arms and smelled something awful. It was the table. Ugh. I sniffed my arms and, yup, it caught the laboratory-ish smell. What I did to make it go away was, I opened my notebook and rubbed my arms on it. It worked! My arms are then smelling like notebooks. Better than a stinking laboratory smell, right? We spen the rest of the class talking about the laboratory apparatuses. We drew them as well.

After the class, I asked Joana to text me before English Class starts because I'll be going to the Headquarters. That afternoon was the announcement of the new officers' designation. I met Jeffrey on the way and we met Virgi, Meng and Claudette by the gym. Henry, Annalyn and Rupert also made an appearance. And I almost forgot, I met Kenneth and Icon on the way too. And so is Kelvin. We all went to the headquarters together and went to a room where the designation was to be announced. We waited for Sir Dator. I grew impatient. My class was on 5:30. The clock is ticking! Finally, he arrived. His introductory speech was quite long that's why I missed it. I have to go back to our building. Jeffrey sent me messages containing the designation. The new batallion commander was Von and the one that replaced me was Dayo. I don't really like him that much. I think, sometimes, he is way too cocky.

I arrived on our building, and our class hasn't started yet. Thank god. We waited for the teacher again. It was taking a long time of waiting so others decided to go to the faculty to ask about our class but they said, no one was there. They went to another building to ask, and they told us that there was a slight mix up and... we have no classes! Yay! I left my classmates and joined my friends and we walked home.

-One Tree Hill-

Last night was like hell. Now, after a cup of coffee, I still can't believe I did it. I broke up with everybody. Really. Everyone except my family and relatives. I broke up with a particular someone, my clique, my best friends and my bestest friend. I don't know but I think its what my heart really needed. Everything has been blown out of proportion that I already considered it unfixable. That everything was just too much to lose and it's going down the drain. All because of me. And don't even try to pull that "It's not your fault" thing. It's just that... I think I know to myself that it really is my fault. The quote from One Tree Hill above is right. Looking back to every post, I realized that I pushed it way too much. This blog begun with me being confused about what clique to choose and which circle do I belong.

I'm a guy who wants to be remembered, but it always seemed that i won't be...
I want to impress people, but I fail all the time...
I really want to make an impact on somebody else's life...
I have friends... Actually A lot...
And that's my problem...
There's the most popular kids...
The kids in my class...
And the old flames.... I miss them so much...
and there's my bestfriend...
and my other good friends....
They're all great, you now...
Especially when they're here for me it's just... it just feels safe...
I mean... i feel so lucky to have them... but still... a part of me says to stick to one group...
But its hard...
To all bloggers out there... Help Me!

On my last year on my high school as a senior, I made my decision to stick with my friends on the classroom, Ototac Aiahsam(Formerly B.M.S) I know I made the right choice. But like I said, I pushed it too much. I went overboard on wanting security on knowing who's real and who's willing to stick with me to the end. I ended up neglecting everyone else. And that's a shame. It's against all my ideals. First, I don't want anyone to feel out of placed or like they don't want to belong. Especially when I'm in the room and I can do anything to change how they feel. Second, do you remember that scene from Mean Girls? When Aaron told Cady, "You know you are just like a clone of Regina." And also the part where Regina told Cady, "You know what people say about you? That you are just a less hot African version of me." Watching it, I thought to myself that being told such things would be a nightmare. Unfortunately, that nightmare happened to me. I think it's almost a week now since then.

I guess, I can't handle it anymore. All the pressure to make the right decision and the fear of the consequences started to get in my head. And it did. Lots of things happened. And I'll admit it. I have my mistakes and I really do have an indifferent heart. This is just me wanting to fix things with myself. And until then... leaving you with more mysteries, LostGuy818.

Penelope commanded her heart to slow down its pace but it just seemed to ignore her. Her heart won’t slow down its pace since her mother told her that they’d be catering on a resort in Uptown, Lonesville. It was the same nervousness one would feel after having a good night of sleep and waking up the next day realizing that you’re about to take your finals in school and all you did was sleep and dream. You’re nervous but you know to yourself that you’ll screw it up and there’s no other choice but to take the test anyway. The resort was said to be privately owned by some rich family. After all, it was in Uptown. The thing is Uptown was like a private subdivision or even a private small town. Well, it technically is, because almost every land was bought by rich families and politicians. The whole place was protected by a wall that only opens on four major gates where it’s like a checkpoint and airport security. What is up with this people, Penelope thought as a guard came to them and checked everything in the trunk and inside the car. Then she remembered some people from Lonesville High School that actually lives there like Amanda. Worse. Ryan. What if he’s on the party? She would have the same image as Sam from A Cinderella Story. But instead of Diner Girl, they would all call her Cater Girl. That is way worse than being an invisible norm. Penelope sighed because there’s no use on stressing about it. A few blocks after passing the gate she saw the private catholic school that Ellie talked about the other day. She said it was the only school in Uptown and children from Uptown were sometimes forced to go there despite its strict and religious policy. Penelope guessed that people like Ryan and Amanda chose the freedom of a public school over the conservative and uptight private catholic school located in Uptown itself. She wondered how they convinced their parents to let them go to Lonesville High School. She could already picture Amanda talking to her father as he smoked with his pipe. “Daddy!” Amanda rushed in the room, eyes half filled with tears.

“What’s the problem, sweetheart?” His father turned around. “Want another new car? Wait. I know. You want a new house don’t you? That’s my baby girl!”

“No Daddy! I want you to buy that school called Lonesville High School. I want to go there. So you must buy it. So they would all look up to me as their queen!” She said with her spoiled brat voice.

“Whatever you say my baby girl.” His father smiled and threw her a five million dollar check.

Penelope admitted that her imagination went too far. Amanda wasn’t that whiny spoiled rich brat. Al least she’s not whiny and definitely not a brat. But she really is rich and maybe spoiled and sometimes bossy. Yet, Penelope has this secret fascination towards Amanda. But not in a mad-and-in-love kind of way but more like amused. It started when she saved her from that embarrassing moment on first day of school. That was the first time she had her period and Amanda helped her. Since then, Penelope held this secret interest about her. Even Ellie didn’t know about it. She was supposed to tell Ellie but they made a pact later that night of the first day that they’ll never get involved with people like Amanda. One of the reasons was Ellie thought it was unfair that Amanda already got high school wrapped around her hands even though it’s just first day of school. Penelope knew Ellie was just jealous but what she’s supposed to do? Ellie was her best friend and she needed to stick with her and their pacts. Some pacts were however, dead serious while some were just silly small ones like the pact they made that they’re not supposed to love the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus. Despite it being silly, they were dead serious about it. They don’t want to be like one of those crazy fans squealing and screaming just seeing them on the TV screen.

It was already past six and the soccer team was still on the field, practicing for their second game this season. The first one, they lost and they’re definitely not sitting around to lose again. The coach was very serious. “Ryan. Where are you?” A woman was talking to Ryan on his phone.

“I can’t go mom. We’re having late night practice. Just tell Grandma I said Happy Birthday.” He shut his phone off without even saying goodbye.

Water break was over. It was time to go back to the field and practice. Ryan loves soccer above anything else. It makes him forget about everything. It takes him to another dimension where it was just him, his teammates, his coach and their opponents. No Amanda. On soccer, it was him in control. Nothing else mattered. Winning is not a choice because for the coach losing is not an option.

The coach called them and they all gathered around him. And without any suspense and further ado, he announced, “Your new captain is Ryan Foster.”

Still, the team was surprised. They taught no one would get captain because the other day the coach told them that he wouldn’t choose a captain this year. No one fucking deserved it, he shouted. But it turned out he was scaring them to play better, as usual. The team cheered for their new captain then proceeded with the practice.

“Everything in place?” Grace asked as she peered inside the tent where everything used for catering was kept. The cooking was also done inside. The atmosphere was busy with the workers carrying plates outside, cooking, preparing the dishes, and stainless utensils making its noise as they touch each other which Penelope can’t tolerate. She decided to leave the tent and explore the place. She justified by the reason that the party hasn’t started yet anyways.

She walked slowly on the courtyard, turning her head to every direction in amusement. The different flowers gave the green shrubs variety of lively colors. The night lights that hang from tree to tree then to the shrubs that guides a person on a pathway. She shuddered in joy and excitement as the evening breeze blew through her hair. The place was a vision she wanted to hold forever. She pictured herself standing there, wearing a long black dress, belonging to a grand scenic painting. She took her camera and snapped a shot. Reality hit her when she realized she was on her casual jeans and t-shirt. Before she got swallowed up to a big fantasy world, she decided to come back to the tent. Her mother greeted her with ten dollars on her hand, bribing her to wear the waitress uniform. Penelope gladly accepted both the money and uniform and headed to the ladies’ room to change.

The ladies' room was beautiful. It was even bigger than her room. She took a while to admire it. The yellow light brought out the shine of the smooth wall and floor granite. There was a red lounge waiting to be sat at by the door. The mirror has these magnificent yellow spotlights. She stepped inside one of the cubicles and changed her clothes. She went out feeling self-conscious. Mini skirt. Is there something such as fear of wearing mini skirts, she asked herself. Penelope urged herself to take a look upon seeing a glimpse of what seemed to be a fountain on the corner of her eye. A tree was blocking its full view. She felt a tug on her heart and before she knew it, she was like a mice following the scent of cheese, she followed the pathway that led to the fountain. The big spotless white fountain seemed magical to Penelope.

She told herself as soon as she realized she is feeling a déjà vu. The fountain was spotless white with the adornment of rose bushes surrounded its feet and four spotlights that beautifully enhances the fountain’s view. Even though starting to be a cliché, roses are her favorite flowers. She’s a sucker for roses. Any color would do for her. But there was something more than that to Penelope with this fountain. Penelope chased her thoughts inside her head. She listened to the splashing of water as the water from the top layer of the fountain poured. In her mind, she saw the exact same thing. It was her vision of her perfect wedding. The two of them, her and his husband stood in front of the fountain with different colors of roses in its foot, facing each other as they exchanged vows, spotlight lit them both. That was the main picture. The main picture she dreamed of since she was a little girl, day and night. “This place… it’s so…” She whispered to herself.

“Magical?” A familiar voice whispered behind her. She felt his warm breath on her ears.

“Exactly.” She turned around, happy that someone related to her thoughts. She looked around. No one. She felt stupid. She thought she started hearing things. It must be her imagination. With one more look around, searching for the guy she thought she heard, she turned her back again to face the fountain.

She heard someone laugh. She was sure about it this time. Behind the fountain was a guy wearing a suit, taking a few steps so the spotlight would reveal him. “Looking for me?”

At first, she didn’t recognize him but after a few assessments she was sure of it, her happy face crumpled in disgust. “You!” It was the boy from the grocery. “You’re the guy that took my chocolates!”

“And you… oh! You’re that snotty girl from the grocery. How many times do I have to tell you? The chocolates were never yours. It was mine. I got it first.”

He came nearer, grinning at her. “Would you just stop that stupid smile!” She regained composure after having a deep breath. “Anyway. Yes. And no. Those chocolates are supposed to be mine, right before your filthy quick hands snatched it before I even had time to take it.” She thought of something quick. Maybe she could still get them back. “I get it. You bought that for your girlfriend, didn’t you? Trust me. She’s not going to like it.”

The guy laughed. “Are you trying to ask me if I have a girlfriend? Are you really that into me?” Penelope laughed, surprised by his arrogance. “First, you followed me here pretending to be some…” He paused, analyzing her white shirt under a black vest with a red tie and his eyes gazed at the short black skirt. “Some waitress, then you’re asking me a trick question that pretty much means you’re asking if I have a girlfriend.”

She raised an eyebrow then said, “FYI. I’m doing my mother a favor. And you did not just think that I’m into you.” She made a face as she shuddered.

“You can deny all you want.” He came closer to her, a bush of roses from her. “Since it’s obvious that you’re into me, I’ll tell you. I don’t have a girlfriend and the chocolates are for my grandmother. It’s her eighty first birthday. ”

Penelope recalled her mother talking about the celebrant loving chocolates. Shit. “Oh.” She blushed.

“So if you want my number.” He took a pen from his breast pocket and produced a napkin from inside his jacket. Penelope’s mouth opened, unable to believe him. The guy looked up from writing and she was already walking away.

“Wait!” He tried to call her. “I didn’t even get your name.” He whispered after realizing she would not hear him.

She couldn’t believe him. He’s just so annoying and cocky and stupid! His stupid smile refused to leave her mind. How dare him to even think I’m into him. She groaned to herself as she entered the tent. She took deep breaths to calm herself. “Hey mom.” She said, now smiling.

“Hey.” Grace looked at her suspiciously. “Where have you been?”

“I changed. Duh.” She said as she raised each shoulder playfully as she played with the black skirt. “There was this long line on the ladies’ room.”

Grace looked at Penelope’s face. “Strange.” Penelope nodded. “Because when I went there I didn’t see any line.”

Busted. Penelope made a nervous little laugh. “Maybe you went to some other bathroom.” She realized she was stuttering so she stopped to clear her empty throat. She widened her eyes then said, “You know, mom. This place is big with plenty of bathrooms.” She laughed as she shrugged.
Grace stopped herself from laughing to her daughter’s strange behavior. “Appetizers!” She shouted clapping her hands to the air. Like an army commanded, waiters and waitresses rushed out the tent with dishes of stir fried vegetables on their hands. “Time for your job.” Her mother gave her a smile.

Penelope nodded dully like a four year old being taught how to do something. Grace left to get some dishes of appetizers. Just don’t let me serve to someone from school. She crossed her fingers as her mother came to her, handing her the dishes. “Now, serve these appetizers to that table over there.”

Penelope followed her mother’s glance leading to a big table centered by tables. She analyzed the table and the people that sat in it. “There?!” Her voice went louder in surprise upon seeing the guy from the grocery, happily chatting on the table. She coughed. “Uhm— I mean. Where? There at the table by the right?” There. That should do it.

“No. There.” Her mother pointed again. “At the center, sweety.” She looked at Penelope “It’s not really that easy to miss.” She gave her gentle pushes. “Now go.”

Penelope felt hopeless. She would do anything to not to serve him because if she did he would think that she was really into him. Worse, he’ll think of her as a stalker. “I smell ten dollars.” Her mother teased her. Somewhere along her thoughts, Penelope realized that there’s nothing to worry about because she’s really not into him. It’s not like she’s going to see him again some other day. Penelope smiled, realizing her stupidity. The situation in front of her settled and she decided to push her luck with her mother’s offer. “Fine. Twenty dollars plus a box of gold premium chocolates.”

Grace stared at her and Penelope stared back. Their eyes locked like they were fighting in silent words. “Deal.” Grace rolled her eyes. She reached for twenty dollars from her wallet hiding on her pocket then gave it to Penelope. With a grin on her face, Penelope left.

She walked towards the center. She felt nervous as she came nearer. She swallowed as she took more steps. He’s not going to talk about me in front of everyone, right? A few more steps away, the guy from the grocery noticed her coming towards their table. Penelope froze. Why was she so nervous? Why was she making a big deal about this guy? He looked away then smiled to himself. She continued walking, telling herself to relax.

As soon as she reached the table, she put down the plates carefully from her hands. “May I ask you what is that you’re serving us?” The guy from the grocery asked her kindly, a tone she never heard from him. She wanted to gag but stopped herself for the sake of being polite.

“It’s one of our specialty, stir fried vegetables.” She replied politely. She glanced around the table. No one’s even paying attention to her. They were all having their own small conversations. She looked back to Justin who was exaggerating about the appetizer. “This is delicious. Grandma, try some of this. I’m sure you’ll like it.” He said to someone familiar to Penelope. It was Mrs. Myers, their neighbor across the streets. Everyone tasted the vegetables then everyone was now looking at her curiously.

Shit.

Her knees wobbled. He surely knew how to get everyone’s attention to her. “How did you make this?” He grinned at her.

Penelope panicked. She didn’t know how the stir fried vegetables were made. But of course, you’ll just stir it in oil, she asked herself if it’s true but knowing her mother, it’s not the only procedure. She was sure that there had to be something else.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Her face brightened with a smile. “I’m afraid we’re in strict orders not to share our recipes.” Penelope smiled politely. “I’m sorry.”

The beautiful blonde woman sitting across the table was about to say something when Justin cut in. “Mother, I think I have an idea.” She told the woman across the table. Penelope figured that’s her mother. She’s pretty but her son, ugh. “Maybe we should ask for their services again next time we throw a party or something.” He paused to look at Penelope then back to his mother again. “I mean, the food is great and the waiters,” he looked at Penelope again that it started to annoy her. “Very polite. Don’t you agree Grandma?” He said as he touched Mrs. Myers hand then he looked at her, grinning. That did it. Penelope was already irritated.

“Whatever you say, my dear.” Mrs. Myers said sweetly. “Can you hand me more of that.” She pointed to the stir fried vegetables.

“Sure.” He smiled and handed her a dish half filled with the appetizers.

Penelope looked behind her shoulders to the tent. She felt relief upon seeing her mother gesturing for her to come back. She bobbed as she tilt her head a little, smiling politely. As she walked away, she asked herself. Did she just curtsy? Her face went red in both anger and embarrassment.

“So you met the Justin?” Grace asked her after coming in the tent.

Penelope found a place to sit down. She was already relaxed on the chair when she absorbed what her mother just said. “Who? Mrs. Myers grandson?” Grace nodded. “You know him?” She replied, surprised.

Grace came towards her and pulled a chair beside Penelope. “I met him this morning. Good guy. Polite. Pretty good looking too.”

“So you like him?” Penelope wanted to laugh on the idea of him and her mother together but she stopped herself before she offended her own mother. She stared at her mother, not minding the waiters that come and go getting the main dish.

“Yeah.”

Penelope almost gave up and laugh but only a smile managed to escape from her control. “Mom. You know I love you, right? But isn’t he a bit too young for you?” She tried to sound considerate. She felt sorry for her mother. She raised her alone, without someone to depend on for help. Penelope tried to ask her about her father but she just said that he left them right after she was born. She said that his words were, “I’d rather leave you than to lie to both of you and myself.” He was leaving them for ‘the love of his life’, she explained to Penelope. Penelope asked her if she knew where he is. To her surprise, her mother didn’t lie. She knew where he is with ‘the love of his life’ but she never told her. She said that there’s no reason for Penelope to find out. Then gentle words from her mother’s mouth followed, “Maybe someday I’ll drive you to him myself.” Penelope was eight by then but still, her mother didn’t drive her to him. But she didn’t feel bitter to any of them. Like her mother said, it was better that he told the truth than make a fool of their whole family. There was no reason to be bitter on the truth. That’s just how it is. It was true love calling him and no one could ever be deaf and ignore that call.

Penelope tried to imagine once what life could have been if her father stayed with them rather than ‘the love of his life’. She could picture a happy family but within her thoughts, many things went wrong with their happy family. She saw him sneaking out just to be with ‘the love of his life’ then he’ll come back to her mother then he’d lie even though her mother already knew about ‘the love of his life’. Then soon the happiness that never really existed, completely vanished, breaking Penelope’s heart that was never really whole from the start because her father never filled it with love. Another situation came to her, but she didn’t know if it was worse than the first one. After Penelope was raised to a teenager within a happy family, her father filed a divorce and left the two of them, having no idea why it all happened. That’s what happened to Ellie and her mother. Both of them ended being bitter to men and left wondering about what went wrong. That’s the worse right? Thinking that everything was perfect and everyone was happy then someone would just walk out of that happiness, like they deserved something more, leaving you with bewilderment questions. What went wrong? What kind of dreadful mistake did you even do to make someone leave you and shatter the happiness and exchange it for something else? Then after all of the thinking, all of the questions, all of the doubts, all of it would be come to the worst when you finally realized, it was never your fault all along. You were only responsible for making one mistake. Believing in a happiness that never really existed.

Penelope snapped back to reality facing her laughing mother. “What’s so funny?”

“You!” Her mother tried to stop herself to speak clearly. “I don’t like him. I mean I like him for you.” Her face grew serious with concern as she touched Penelope’s face. “It’s about time you get a boyfriend.”

Looking at her mother’s serious face, Penelope she laughed. She stood up and got some plates with the dessert, molten chocolate lava cake. The vanilla ice cream with cherry added to its chocolate charm. Penelope decided she would help one to herself then headed to the door. “I’d rather study, thank you.”

“You know Penelope, some daughters would beg their mothers just to have a boyfriend.” Her mother stopped her by the door.

“You know, mom, some mothers would beg their daughters just to study.” Penelope smiled then left the tent to serve the desserts.

Ellie retrieved a box of doughnuts from the fridge and placed it by the computer. She took one after turning on the computer. She signed in to her IM and scanned through the Who’s Online list. She pointed to the name Shakespeare514 and then sent him a message.

Mr. Shakespeare514: hi
Hot_Chick514: hi ;)
Mr. Shakespeare 514: how are you?
Hot_Chick514: fine…
Hot_Chick514: you?
Mr. Shakespeare514: same here =)
Mr. Shakespeare514: I have something to tell you.
Hot_Chick514: what’s up?

The party was over and people started going home, leaving the caterers cleaning the place up. Penelope decided to ask her Grace if she could go home ahead. “Mom?” She said as she approached her. “Can I take the car? I have some homework to finish.”

Her mother held her by face by the hand like she did inside the tent. “Okay. Take care.” She smiled to Penelope.

“Awww. Look at you all worried and stuff.” Penelope joked.

“I meant the car. Take care of my car.” They both laughed as Penelope waved goodbye.

Penelope walked by the lighted path, admiring the place one last time. She remembered the fountain with the roses on its foot. She hasn’t taken any pictures of it yet. She walked towards the fountain and took her camera out of her body bag. After her eyes recovered from the flash, the guy Justin came out opposite the fountain, like he did earlier. After seeing him, she walked away hurriedly.

“Hey!” He called after her. She could hear his footsteps getting faster. She quickened her pace. But he followed her. He was almost running. Penelope felt like running herself but soon dismissed the though as she realized it was ungraceful. They were already on the parking area when he grabbed her hand. “Please!” His hand held hers firmly that it made her stop. “Can we just talk?” She turned around to face him, her face really serious. After seeing the struggle on her face, he let go and she walked away again.

She stopped beside her car when she realized he didn’t stop following her. “What do you want?!” She shouted with all her anger.

“Why are you so mad at me?” He looked straight to her eyes. “Look. Is this about the chocolates? I already told you. I’m sorry. I’ll just buy the same ones for you if you want and—
“No! This is not about the chocolates anymore. Don’t you get it? I don’t like you. I don’t like you, or any of your stupid smile, your arrogance and your stupid accent.” She could not believe herself for telling him. She normally didn’t say the things that bothered her in people. “Why did you even follow me all the way here to my car?!”

“I” He paused to look at her angry eyes. “I’m sorry.” That moment he said it sincerely straight to Penelope’s eyes, she felt terrible about herself. She was wrong to judge him. She was also wrong to not control her anger. It was all so small. The chocolates, his arrogance, his accent, his smile. He wasn’t at any fault.

“Whatever.” She went inside the car and drove away.

Justin watched the car as it disappear from sight. He didn’t understand her. What did her do wrong? Just as he was about to get back inside, his parents was already on the way out. “Are you coming with us to the airport?”

“Can I take grandma home instead?” He said politely. “She’s tired. And maybe Aunt Cecil could come with you, she lives downtown and she could use the ride.”

“Alright.” Her mother rolled her eyes with a sigh. They shared a laugh then he’s fathered gesture for her to get into the car. “I’ll call you when we land.” She kissed him in the forehead then waved goodbye.

Ellie was still online, on IM with Andrew. Andrew said that he has something to tell her and Ellie thinks she already knew what it is. They’ve been doing this online chat for a year now and she knew it would eventually come to this moment. He was different from every guy out there. He’s honest. He’s sincere. He has a heart. Everything unlike her father. He was the guy he was looking for. The guy that could never be like his father. Besides, he was guaranteed by a sign. She always searched for an online name with a five-one-four in their username. Nothing came up until Andrew. She was still bitter but her emotion shifted after a message appeared on the screen.

Mr. Shakespeare514: as strange as it sounds. I think…
Hot_Chick514: ?
Mr. Shakespeare514: i think I’m in love with you.
Hot_Chick514: …
Mr. Shakespeare514: no. that’s not right.
Mr. Shakespeare514: I love you. I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU, ELLIE ROSE.
Hot_Chick514: you’re just confused.
Mr. Shakespeare514: no. I’m sure of myself.
Hot_Chick514: but why me? Tell me. There are billions of people out there.
Why me?
Mr. Shakespeare514: Love has no reasons.
Mr. Shakespeare514: For it’s the only reason itself.
Hot_Chick514: at least, justify yourself.
Mr. Shakespeare514: you’re there, countries away, telling me that there are
billions of people out there.
Mr. Shakespeare514: indeed, you’re right. But please don’t forget the fact that
there’s only one you.
Mr. Shakespeare514: and it’s you who make me happy than anyone else can make
me.

Minutes passed and Ellie still can’t bring herself to press the right letters on the keyboard. As if she’s already on her deathbed, she summoned all her strength.

Hot_Chick514: but we can’t be happy. We can’t happy together. Don’t you get it?
we can’t be together.
Mr. Shakespeare514: Destiny always has a way to unite two hearts that beats as
one. No matter how long and far it takes.
Hot_Chick514: …

More minutes passed. He waited for her words. Her words of approval. The words that he wanted to see. I love you too. A few minutes passed. Still, no message. He waited for more minutes to pass. He gave up with a frown and a message.

Mr. Shakespeare514: Goodnight and sweet dreams, Ellie. I love you. I really do.

“You don’t have to stay here. You could live on Uptown.” Mrs. Myers said as Justin tucked her to bed.

“I know I don’t have to. But I want to.” He kissed her forehead. “I’ll take a little walk outside.”

He was walking down the stairs when someone knocked on the door. He quickened his pace to stop the knocking before it disturbs his grandmother. “Hey cousin.” The guy said, surprised.

They smiled at each other as they friendly hit fists.“Nice to see you, Ryan.”