Lostguy818

-One Tree Hill-

Last night was like hell. Now, after a cup of coffee, I still can't believe I did it. I broke up with everybody. Really. Everyone except my family and relatives. I broke up with a particular someone, my clique, my best friends and my bestest friend. I don't know but I think its what my heart really needed. Everything has been blown out of proportion that I already considered it unfixable. That everything was just too much to lose and it's going down the drain. All because of me. And don't even try to pull that "It's not your fault" thing. It's just that... I think I know to myself that it really is my fault. The quote from One Tree Hill above is right. Looking back to every post, I realized that I pushed it way too much. This blog begun with me being confused about what clique to choose and which circle do I belong.

I'm a guy who wants to be remembered, but it always seemed that i won't be...
I want to impress people, but I fail all the time...
I really want to make an impact on somebody else's life...
I have friends... Actually A lot...
And that's my problem...
There's the most popular kids...
The kids in my class...
And the old flames.... I miss them so much...
and there's my bestfriend...
and my other good friends....
They're all great, you now...
Especially when they're here for me it's just... it just feels safe...
I mean... i feel so lucky to have them... but still... a part of me says to stick to one group...
But its hard...
To all bloggers out there... Help Me!

On my last year on my high school as a senior, I made my decision to stick with my friends on the classroom, Ototac Aiahsam(Formerly B.M.S) I know I made the right choice. But like I said, I pushed it too much. I went overboard on wanting security on knowing who's real and who's willing to stick with me to the end. I ended up neglecting everyone else. And that's a shame. It's against all my ideals. First, I don't want anyone to feel out of placed or like they don't want to belong. Especially when I'm in the room and I can do anything to change how they feel. Second, do you remember that scene from Mean Girls? When Aaron told Cady, "You know you are just like a clone of Regina." And also the part where Regina told Cady, "You know what people say about you? That you are just a less hot African version of me." Watching it, I thought to myself that being told such things would be a nightmare. Unfortunately, that nightmare happened to me. I think it's almost a week now since then.

I guess, I can't handle it anymore. All the pressure to make the right decision and the fear of the consequences started to get in my head. And it did. Lots of things happened. And I'll admit it. I have my mistakes and I really do have an indifferent heart. This is just me wanting to fix things with myself. And until then... leaving you with more mysteries, LostGuy818.