Lostguy818

-One Tree Hill-

Last night was like hell. Now, after a cup of coffee, I still can't believe I did it. I broke up with everybody. Really. Everyone except my family and relatives. I broke up with a particular someone, my clique, my best friends and my bestest friend. I don't know but I think its what my heart really needed. Everything has been blown out of proportion that I already considered it unfixable. That everything was just too much to lose and it's going down the drain. All because of me. And don't even try to pull that "It's not your fault" thing. It's just that... I think I know to myself that it really is my fault. The quote from One Tree Hill above is right. Looking back to every post, I realized that I pushed it way too much. This blog begun with me being confused about what clique to choose and which circle do I belong.

I'm a guy who wants to be remembered, but it always seemed that i won't be...
I want to impress people, but I fail all the time...
I really want to make an impact on somebody else's life...
I have friends... Actually A lot...
And that's my problem...
There's the most popular kids...
The kids in my class...
And the old flames.... I miss them so much...
and there's my bestfriend...
and my other good friends....
They're all great, you now...
Especially when they're here for me it's just... it just feels safe...
I mean... i feel so lucky to have them... but still... a part of me says to stick to one group...
But its hard...
To all bloggers out there... Help Me!

On my last year on my high school as a senior, I made my decision to stick with my friends on the classroom, Ototac Aiahsam(Formerly B.M.S) I know I made the right choice. But like I said, I pushed it too much. I went overboard on wanting security on knowing who's real and who's willing to stick with me to the end. I ended up neglecting everyone else. And that's a shame. It's against all my ideals. First, I don't want anyone to feel out of placed or like they don't want to belong. Especially when I'm in the room and I can do anything to change how they feel. Second, do you remember that scene from Mean Girls? When Aaron told Cady, "You know you are just like a clone of Regina." And also the part where Regina told Cady, "You know what people say about you? That you are just a less hot African version of me." Watching it, I thought to myself that being told such things would be a nightmare. Unfortunately, that nightmare happened to me. I think it's almost a week now since then.

I guess, I can't handle it anymore. All the pressure to make the right decision and the fear of the consequences started to get in my head. And it did. Lots of things happened. And I'll admit it. I have my mistakes and I really do have an indifferent heart. This is just me wanting to fix things with myself. And until then... leaving you with more mysteries, LostGuy818.

It's funny how I spend the days now in a routine. I'm really getting the hang of it actually. My days will always start with a bath to wake myself up. I'll eat some breakfast with a cup of coffee while checking my e-mails, recent news on yahoo, my accounts on friendster and facebook. I would do that until nine thirty or until ten. After absorbing the zap of energy from the coffee, I'll get on to my writing. I'm actually happy and satisfied on the way I work with it now. I write everyday, from morning until two pm. There would be some distractions like my mother asking me to do something, a music video that my sister watches on the tv and of course, lunch. I still have to eat. After two, I would be either lying in bed, sleeping or reading a book. Then when the heat starts to get to my skin, I warm up a little bit then do my usual routines of sit-ups, pushups and squats(I already had enough lunges). After an hour or so of continuing reading, I'll take a bath to again, wake myself up. I'll do something else to let time fly by until six thirty like watch tv, sleep, or read a book again. The tv is the least option cause my sister always watch the tv so it's oftenly reading. Then i'll prepare my dinner on six-thirty so i'll get to eat by seven. And that completes that no. 1 on my So That's How It Feels Like list:

1. So that's how it feels like to have a routine for your everyday life. It feels good.
2. So that's how it feels like to have some sort of distraction to the routine you are very used to. (It's about some text messages that caused a huge shift of emotions in me. Emotions that destroyed my stability that I'm trying to keep so that I could write properly. It feels awful and scary.
   
3. So that's how it feels like when you see or hear something on tv or a movie(specifically, Mean Girls) and hear it again(the thought of it, at least) for real, in your life. It feels like deja vu.
4. So that's how it feels like when someone told you to lower your pride because everything you think about is pride and everything was a competition to you. (I know. I don't know where she got that.) It feels funny yet annoying because I think I'm misunderstood and again, where did that came from?
5. So that's how it feels like when someone told you that you have a heart of stone when obviously she has no idea of what my emotions really are. When I told her that she said that she knows what I'm going through and that's not a reason for me to change (leading to no. 6) and she added that I should stop what I'm planning to do before it hurts everybody including myself. I know. It feels weird(Sort of wanted to laugh, yet confused and surprised. Seriously, where's she getting all this stuff from?)
6. So that's how it feels like when someone told you that you have changed in a bad way and she wanted the person you were before back and they're totally wrong about it. What change? All her words were just unbelievable. It feels unbelievable and starting to get me frustrated.
7. So that's how it feels like to get frustrated and start doubting yourself. Then you'll confide to your friends for reassurance but it was already late at night and you have no one to talk to or lean on to. It feels horribly sad that I felt trapped.
   
8. So that's how it feels like when you think that's something is your fault and it's your responsibility. It really does feel heavy.
9. So that's how it feels like when you can't find the right words to fix something. It feels disappointing and frustrating.
10. So that's how it feels like to find yourself on something that started out small and now it's a big tangled web. It feels confusing.
11. So that's how it feels like when someone tells you that she loves you and that you must remember it even though she was gone like she was talking about killing herself. It feels awful with worry and nerves. At first I wanted to laugh because it's crazy but the next day, I found myself waiting for a text message to make sure that she's alive. (She is. Thank God!)
12. So that's how it feels like to listen to a song and read a book and all of it coincidentally fits your current situation. It feels magical.
    
13. So that's how it feels like to be in love with a character on a book. (I know right? Crazy.) It feels wonderful at the same time sad. (Don't ask me who! I won't tell!)
    
14. So that's how it feels like to feel nothing. It was after reading a book. I felt nothing. I tried to imagine stuff with some of the people I really like and I felt nothing. And then it led me to no. 15.
15. So that's how it feels like when you are so wrapped up to yourself and your routine that all the heartache, hatred and love you feel for people totally vanished to thin air. It feels weird. I seriously felt nothing, like blank canvass needed to be painted with colors.

So... all those things completed my So That's How It Feels Like list. Until next time!

P.S. You guys seriously need to comment here. There' s no need for logging in or anything. You could just choose anonymous. It's totally like commenting on a friendster account. And it would be easier to give your reactions. You could tell me you hate me or what I said here or you could tell me how you love the words I used or how funny I sometimes sound. Just comment honestly and I'll comment back. No worries. So if you guys want clarifications just ask and i'll reply back here. I'm sure it would be better than asking it to me in person and seeing my annoying face as I nonchalantly answer your questions. Right? So comment me!

Okay. I promised that I'll break down the details about our overnight picnic, and here I am fulfilling it. Four o'clock in the afternoon yesterday, I went to school to meet up with my fellow officers and the applicants that have just graduated. We didn't leave right away. So, I chatted with Raina, Fatima, and Jeffrey. Mark Paul hasn't come yet and Virgi and Niña won't be joining. Both of them were in Manila. Charmine was there too, chatting with Sandy and her friends. Then the rest were also chatting their way through impatience of waiting. Then after a while, Robin, Mark Paul, Gecca, Alyssa B., Carla and Ian showed up(Not all at the same time.) Then off we went to Nawawalang Paraiso Hotel and Resort.

The ones that weren't able to join us were Marcel, Virgi, Niña, Christine Ruazol, Vea, Jocelyn, and Glaiza. On the applicants, the ones who weren't there that I've noticed was Enrique and Gain. There's a little story behind it. Gain and Enrique, i think, was about to make a reservation(or whatever reason. I'm not entirely sure.) at the resort a couple of days before. They left Lucban riding a motorcycle. Then, (I'm still unsure if it's on the way there or the way back) there was a stone on the road that they didn't notice and they crashed to the ground(I hear it was mud). Gain had stitches while Enrique only had bruises.

We arrived at the resort after riding a jeepney. We went straight to our cottage and took the time to relax. So far, nothing much happened. I saw Roxanne eating chocnut(small peanut butter chocolate bar.) and had ones myself. I was just sitting there texting Ova, chatting with people that are near my seat, often with Rarina, Christine, , Fatima, Mark Paul and Jeffrey. Jessica offered us white bread and I gladly took one. I helped myself to a glass water and two brownies. Raina and I decided to walk because the others(Christine, Fatima, Jeffrey and Mark Paul) looked like they weren't going anywhere while the others(Robin, Meng and some others else) already took a walk and were already somewhere else. I sat down on one of the benches by the pool and Raina leaned on the street lamp. Others went out of the cottage and took a walk too. We are back on our cottage when Enrique arrived. Then Sir Dator. We greeted him. It started to get dark when Marcel arrived. We had dinner and yet, no one's still swimming. Then the graduated applicants went to the pool. Some of us officers went too but there's more left in the cottage where we were already passing shots with Sir Dator. After noticing the alcohol effecting me a little, I went by the pool. Okay. I'm totally forgetting the series of events but soon I decided to change my shorts and take my shirt off and go for a swim. That was after Fatima, Mark Paul and I played cards(tong-its to be exact). The night went on. I was already in the pool. The three of us, me, Jeffrey and Mark Paul, showed each if we could do a proper dive. They said that we all did it properly but I sensed that they were making fun of me. Whatever.

Everyone's gathered up in the cottage as the graduated applicants preparedsome numbers for us(commanded by Sir Dator) hosted by Hexene(that too.) They were over-all entertaining. Some were good some were just boring. I really got the series jumbled in my brain. I can remember drinkking coffee and eating brownies and also looking for baked macaroni. Ova also called me. We talked for a while. Then soon, i wore my jacket, trying to sleep. I tried my hardest but I really couldn't so I told some people stories about Ova and I and stuff like that. Then, I was able to sleep for like 30 minutes less. I woke up hearing an unsual silence in the cottage. After opening my eyes, I saw the applicants on a formation. They were about to udergo initiation on our hands.

I paired up with Loren and I picked the spot by the 6 feet edge of the pool. The initiation realized that it was the wrong idea when the applicants went by, finding it hard to execute the exercises we gave them. I had notable applicants passing by like Jhan Paul who was afraid with the deep water, Enrique who hurt his knees because of his unhealed bruises, Rabi that was too tired to swim but still managed to do so and also the nonswimmers Ayson and David who we made sang Bahay Kubo. After the initiation, they all did jumping jacks in the pool commanded by Sir Dator. Then after that, we packed and went home in the jeep again. Now, I was holding on outside the jeepney. I was a little nervous about it at first but then I managed to get comfortable with the fresh air that blows to my face during the trip and before I knew it, we were already in Lucban.

Later this afternoon, We, last year CAT officers and the current officers (I don't know how to put it but it's right, right?), will meet up at school, 4 pm. That's our meeting place for the overnight outing that they threw for us.(or for their recent graduation? but I think it's more like for us. Cause, apparently, we are the guests. LOL.) We'll be spending the night at Nawawalang Paraiso Hotel and Resort. It should be fun right? I mean the pool, the vacation-feel of the place. That should remind me that it's still summer. Of course, there's also the free food. LOL. Anyways, I'll update y'all soon as I get back online. See ya!

I usually don't give much details about stuff like these here in my blog for I respect other people's privacy. But now I don't care. He crossed the line and I'm going to cross mine. The issue that I'm dealing with right now is a friend problem. To be honest, I really don't have any idea if it is a clique problem, friend problem or a rivalry thingy or even just a personality issue or a he's-just-being-a-bitch-with-his-ego issue. Give it up for the queen bee, Robin. He's doing it again. The last time we had a fight is that all-against-one fight. Him against almost the entire clique. That was all forgiven and done. It was a huge misunderstanding anyways. This time, I'm sure of it. It is not a misunderstanding. Here's how the story goes:

As a matter of fact our clique isn't really that stable. We stand in a shaky ground. It's like different personalities, thoughts and perspectives all mixed together. Some get along and some really just don't. Fights were avoided by letting an offense slip away or just tolerating it. Some even just ignore offenses. We had notable fights this senior year, including:

1. Meng's madly obesessive love for Jeffrey which involves her brain miscalculating things with the involvements of spies and stuff like that. She even saw the whole thing as an unfair fight where it's three against one. This also comes with her thinking that Christine and Jeffrey are having an affair. So false! And if it is true, what's it to her? Thiis whole thing went on for many weeks. I think it's for a month. Okay. That's enough. Moving on.
   
2. Robin being a complete bitch in the classroom for like three days straight or so. We(when I say we, I mean us. Circle of Best Friends. Seriously. The Circle of Best Friends cracks me up. It's hilarious.) all agreed that we don't like him acting that way. So we decided to not talk to him unless he talks to us first. It turned out to be easy because I was always chattting with Neil, Patrick, Danilo and Mark Paul near my seat. Robin made a joke about me that I don't really want at that moment so I shut him up and I could tell, he was surprised and at the same time angry. By the way, I give myself props for that. There's this one time where almost everyone on our clique agreed that he's behavior was very rude. The whole turning point of the sutiuation where it became worse when Robin, Fatima and Raina went to Fatima's house to get the wine glasses that we took from our Prom as souvenir. On the other side, Virgi and Christine planned to hang out at Niña's for they will use the internet. Jeffrey decided to join them which causes Bernard?, Rubio and Jiru to join too. It also turned out that Kim and Roxanne joined thm too. Micah was at her own house and I was on my way to Lucena, preparing for my interview on UST in Manila. Then that's when it all gone worse. Robin went to Niña's to give a speech and the Monay after that things were really cold. Soon, we patched things up.
   
3. The latest before this fight was the Fatima, Raina and Christine's friendship triangle. Well, that's how I saw it. It's sort of self explanatory. Raina and Christine are best friends then all of the sudden, in the midst of Robin's fight, Raina was always with Fatima. Then it turned out that they were best friends already and it made Christine angrier. Time's the main reason that Christine's anger diminished. And everything's okay until...

This last week. High School's over but it feels like we're still in it. Apparently, Robin was mad at our 'Circle of Best Friends'. I don't know for what reason but after a while, I heard that it's because... we're best friends. We were just like WTF? It's completely unfair for him to be mad for that reason. First, because we've been best friends since Meng's issue. And he already knew it for a while. How come he's mad now? Why now? When it's already had been months since we started the circle, why would he be mad now? Then I learned that he's mad because he feels out of placed everytime we're together. Robin Matthew Alarcon. Out of placed? You have got to be kidding me! He always had someone to talk to. Alyssa. Meng. Micah. It's unlikely of him to complain about it. And if that's the real reason, why is he so mad? I've known people that were out of placed and none of them were mad like they were blaming people because they had been out of placed. It's really an unfair thing with him bitching around while we we're not doing anything against him. We didn't even do anything. Nothing in purpose. And after all of these things... Now you guys know.

I wasn't mad at him or anything. I am more like frustrated. But now. I am mad. The BBS(It's a clique with gay guys along with their friends. There's some straight people there too.) had a party last night, celebrating Ivan's(Ova's gay brother.) birthday. Ova asks me to come but I didn't want to. It's weird. It's right across our street. And an attire of pink was required. I never personally wore pink before. I wore one once. It's our soccer uniform. Anyways, Ova called me asking me one more time to join them, on the background I could hear her friend Jemily asking who I was. After Ova told her, she had a follow up question, "He's gay right?" I found it funny and annoying at the same time. Then she said goodbye and I went to sleep. I woke up 5 in the morning. I peed then went back to bed. I checked my phone for messages and I had one from Ova. She said that she's mad at Robin because he's been telling everyone stories about me. One even included Mark Paul. I kew it. I was expecting it. And it happened. The whole me being gay thing was put into spot light. How many times must I tell people that I'm straight. That's when I really got mad at Robin. Besides the fact that I haven't done anything against him, I sort of thought he knows who I really am. It turned out that he thinks of me as someone else and conviniently he told everyone about it. Smooth move. Really smooth. That's all for now. I'm having lunch. See ya!

Yesterday was the 15th of May, one of the most looked forward days of the year here in our little town of Lucban. It's because it's the Harvesst Festival, commonly called here as he Pahiyas Festival. It's a thanksgiving for the Patron Saint of Farmers, San Isidro Labrador. It is celebrated throughout Quezon. Here in Lucban, houses are decorated with grains, vegetables and other stuffs from the harvest.

I arrived home. All I saw was my relatives there. I made my occassional mano to the elders then I went inside to pee. I went out to watch out for my friends and as I expected, they showed up after a few minutes. Much to my surprise, Robin was with them. It's not that I don't want to be around him or anything. It's just weird being at the same place with him knowing that he's mad with our so called "circle of friends". I greeted them as a whole then I asked them to wait for Jeffrey, Virgi, Mark Paul and Christine. Micah said that it's okay because she also had to wait for Patz. Robin was in the background saying some stuff. I couldn't make out the words. I chose not to make out the words. After I talked Virgi, Jeffrey and Jefty who had just arrived, I glanced around and Robin was gone. After a while he showed up, walked behind Virgi's back then bitched about Virgi's henna tattoo. Virgi freaked out and became really mad. I told her to relax but she didn't listen and said that she doesn't want to be around him anymore. Patz arrived and we went on our way to Alyssa's. The walk, as I expected, was full of stirred up emotions with lots of awkwardness. We isolated ourselves from Robin who was walking with Meng and the others. We were ahead of them. We arrived at Alyssa's first and I greeted her Grandmother with a mano, that went for her parents too.

We grabbed our plates with me leading to the food. The food was really great but what's not great is Robin bitching again. There were two tables outside Alyssa's house. A round one and a rectangular one. At first, no one went outside so I decided to go but as I went outside, it turned out that Robin and some of ou friends are going there too. I looked at the table that was occupied by Robin and the empty round one. I can't just seat alone at that table. That's when I decided to seat with them at their table. I forced myself to look calm and unaffected which pretty much paid off because Kim acknowledged that Mark Paul and I seemed to be unaffected. While eating, Robin was just bitching and talking and bitching. Micah and Alyssa tried to stop him but it didn't necessarily work. We waited for Kia and Macy to arrive. Jiru also arrived. (edited) Fatima arrived before Jiru.(/edited. I forgot. Sorry.) I greeted him happily and he replied with his unusual not energetic self. The things is it is getting pretty late. We still have to go around the town to checkout the winners and stuff like that. We also have to go to Niña's and then go to my place and have a celebration because May 15 was Micah's birthday too. Someone asked me if we could just go on and proceed to Niña's but I told him/her that maybe we should stay a bit longer because Jiru had just arrived. They agreed and after a while, we left. Before leaving we took some pictures.

The plan is explore the town, eat at Niña's then have a drink at our place. As we were exploring near the local supermarket, we passed by a house where Ma'am Donna and Sir Maranan was in. We stopped to say hi. Thank God we did because if we didn't, we couldn't have found out that Niña was waiting for us since forever and she hasn't explored the town yet. I almost forgot. We lost track of Robin, Meng, Fatima, and Bernard. We thought they were behind us but it turned out that they're not. Now, the plan is fetch Niña, explore the town, eat at Niña's and then have a drink at our place. We're done fetching Niña. We're just waiting for Kim who was buying a coke. I decided to pee at Niña's first. We started walking then a surprise was walking opposite our direction. It was Robin, Meng, Fatima and Raina (edited) and also Jiru (/edited. I didn't see him. Sorry.). Robin went to the sides then said, "Eeh!" in a very sarcastic way.

We explored the town then ate at Niña's where Meng, Fatima and Raina followed. Then we left and Meng was pretty pissed off. She even sent us a message afterwards saying that if we don't want to make nice with Robin then don't. She said that she doesn't want to get involved anymore and stuff like that. After that small acknowledgement we proceeded with the dirnking where everything to me seemed to be blurry and fast. Ova called me from time to time. After the drinking session for Micah's birthday, I cleaned up and Ova called me again and we had a surprisingly serious conversation.

I'm done! All of the lines, filling up of forms and stuff' I'm done with the enrollment! There's just one thing though. I'm left all alone! Argh! Not literally alone but yeah, somewhat alone. All of my friends belong to the same section while I am, like, segregated to another. I don't know anyone in my class. Well, I know some of them but, I mean, I don't have my old classmates or schoolmates. That loner thing suddenly comes to life. But! Thankfully, I got over it now. As usual, I am just going to lookk over the positive things like I'm going to (must!) meet new people and I can focus harder on my studies. There would be less distraction. But still I would have no one else to depend on. It would be just me. Just wish me luck, okay?

Yup! I expected it right. I wasn't able to wake up early yesterday. Nevertheless, I managed to do fine in the enrollment. I met up with my classmates in the nursing building where we just squeezed in the line. There were long lines everywhere you go. You have to be patient. And guess what? I woke up early today. I'm waiting for Niña right now. We're going to join the applicants in their jogging around the campus. It would be a great exercise. After that we'd be home to take a bath then return by eight. We're doing pictures for our i.d. Enrolment wouldn't be complete without it and that's the only thing we haven't done yet. That's it for now. Bye Guys!

Another one of those hard-to-sleep nights. I know i'm not suppose to whine about it but because of it, this morning, I never got to attend the road run. It sucks because i want to sleep already but my brain saids no. One thing thoug, I hope I wake up tomorrow just in time to be early for the enrolments. Seriously, they could have the longest lines ever. Wish me luck okay? I'm just charging my phone right now so that it would alarm. The battery has been empty. I just came from Virgi's grandmother wake and we took the time there to catch up with the latest talks of the town. And as for my second day facilitating the trainees. It was fun since Sir Dator was not there. It really seemed like we were facilitaing. Well, hoping for my next visit. And my uncle. Ugh. Horrible. He drank again. WTF? Mother would be pissed if she finds out. And yes. I'm telling her. My sister's obviously not doing anything about it. I'm busy with stuff. It's not like I'm in the house all the time now. I've been quite busy. I'm here, crossing my fingers, hoping for him to take a hike.

Finally. Something that should keep my hands off the keyboard this summer. Hahaha. This morning was the opening of the COLT Training 20 '09. We been informed that our... presence is requested. Hehehe. Nonetheless, there were only thirteen out of us, thirty, that showed up. Anyways, their training will be within eight to ten days which is less than our twelve days. There was supposed to be a Welcoming stuff but our commandant, Sir Dator, told us that maybe we'd do that on the start of the stay in. That Welcoming stuff should be fun because we get to command them ANYTHING. Yup. ANYTHING. But of course, it should be legal, moral and possible. Hahaha. Sir Dator asked Meng to assign the schedules for our 'visits' and guess what I did? I volunteered to be there everyday. Yup. I know. Crazy. Well, I have nothing else to do around the house so I might as well do something worth my while, right? Like watching a group of trainees. Things like that. Hehehe. By the way, only five officers are allowed to visit on the training each day. That's why we needed the schedule of visits thingy. But the number of officers would be extended to a number of ten during the stay in. First off tomorrow, we have to be there before six in the morning because of this 'road run'. Yeah. After hearing it, I was like, "Can I take 'I'll be here everyday' back?" But after realizing that it could help me in my workout, I shook the negative thoughts out of me.

It just so happened that... we're not alone anymore. I don't really know how I feel about it but I think I'm really annoyed about it. No. About him. He's my uncle and he came in our house yesterday afternoon. I thought he was here for other reasons or he was just dropping by. Then the night came and he's still here. That's when I realized. He's staying. It's not like that I don't want us to have company but I guess, in a way, he's ruining my plans. And no. My plans aren't diabolical. It's just that I plan the house to be in my control. Well, more like the kitchen. It's weird that he's hanging around the house asking us what would we eat and stuff like that. Then he'll cook for us and stuff like that. It's just that I had look forward to these days that I'll be the one that cooks and maybe even maintain the orderliness of the place. I'm just uncomfortable to work around him. That maybe it. Ugh. I really don't want him around anymore. We can handle the whole house and chores by ourselves. We're not children anymore. Especially me. This is a special opportunity for me to prove my skills regarding housekeeping and such. He's just runining the whole fun.

I just realized how alone I really am throughout my life. I walked alone. Fought alone. It's exhausting. I'm just... Kidding! Hahahaha. No. I'm not here to whine and have a pity party. I'm just here to tell you guys that I'm sorry I haven't been in touch lately. I've been kinda secluded in front of the computer putting my creativity to use again. I know I've neglected this blog but so is some other stuff like my writing. Now, I'm busy with The Elites and Editing pictures for the Friendster Acccount of our clique. Add us if you want. Here's the url: www.friendster.com/ototacaiahsam. Add us okay? Another thing is I've been trying to get my body into shape. I think i'm losing tone. By the way, my parents are in Cebu. They are going to be there in a week. It's sort of like a vacation and my mother wants to visit her family and relatives there. It's been a while and it's supposed to be me with her but I have lots of things to do here so I pased. I already planned my activities but there's only one thing working against me. Rain. It's raining here. Even in the morning. I can't go out for a jog. I was thinking of a whole fitness week for me. Sort of like the CAT training minus the tests plus more exercise and less food. I'm thinking big breakfasts and balanced proportions of lunch and dinner and definitely lots of water. For workout, I'm thinking fifty push-ups, a hundred sit-ups, fifty crunches, and some lounges along with squats. Don't worry about it though. It's not that hard because this is carried throughout the whole day. Meaning, I could do 20 push-ups in the morning then the rest later. I will do more if I can. Got to be fit. Hopefully after the tiring week, i'll be pleased.

Nope. I am not looking for some. Hehehe. Maybe I am but not now. I am currently channeling my urge to study... Don't react negatively! It's as if I never do it. I just missed studying I guess. Hahaha. So, as I was saying. I am currently channeling my urge to study in answering question in Yahoo! Answers. It's kinda cool. I get to share my opinions and ides to strangers. And maybe impress them? I already answered two math questions and a chemistry question. Seemed like high school really taught me some stuff, huh. Hehehe. It's just funny because in my Chemistry and Math class I used to ask my teacher directly how would these stuff help me. LOL. I know it's kind of disrespectful but I kind of have an open relationship with my teachers this past senior year. Hehehe. Yeah. I know I'm complaining but whatever. Back to the topic. I also answered lots of personal questions about high school and how to live through it. It was just fun.

Woah. I thought as I stood up from our bench in the foyer. It was the sight of cockroaches emerging from everywhere in the kitchen, a while after I turned off the lights, that made me stood up from my location. I was writing on the table nearby a TV by the door and I really felt goosebumps all over my skin. It's like an army of them, I thought. I freaked out a little, thinking that they might fly in my direction or something. Anyway, I managed to gather some courage and decided to fight back. I know! I make it sound like I'm fighting an monstrous creature.

My adrenaline was pumping, probably because of the coffee I had along with my dinner, plus the cheesedogs I just ate from BigMac along with a soda. I was really pumping. I let go of my pen and got my hands on one of my father's leather shoes. They became my primary weapon againts those cockroaches that to me, looked like zombies. Seriously. It was like Dawn of the Cockroaches. I feel like they're going to devour me in any second. I stood there, staring at our kitchen, taken over by the cockroaches, thinking what to do. I really felt like I was in a movie. I was a man outnumbered by an army of giant(hahaha) cockroaches.

A flashback occured in my head(this was true). It was the night before and I'm having a hard time trying to sleep when I heard these little sounds. Rustling. Crisp flapping of wings. I froze in my bed then immediately covered myself with my blanket. I felt secured then. Still, the sounds continued. I can't go on like this, I thought. And when I turned the flashlight in my cellphone on, I saw it. It was horrible. I spottedm three cockroaches in my room. One far from me and two a few inches above my head. I hurried to cover myself again. I eventually fell asleep. But still, that was scary.

Back to reality, I jumped in surprise as a cockroach flew quickly to my direction. I felt like running to my room, which I did, not to hide, but to check if there are cockroaches in it too. I was right as there were three of them again, crawling around. Despite my goosebumps, I managed to kill one with the leather shoes. The other two ran away in surprise, i think. Imanged to kill another. The other, however, got away. I breathe out heavily as I left the room and entered the kitchen once again. I couldn't count them. Besides counting them was the last thing on my mind because they're totally grossing me out. But I managed to estimate fifteen to twenty. Yeah. They're that many. I hurried to the light swith and turned it on. And then the blood bath began. I saw some of them fled due to the light. Some of them hid while some just ran around the floor crazily. I killed four when my father asked me what's going on. He's yelling from their room. I told him that I was just killing cockroaches. I made it sound like it was a hobby. He adviced me to use the cockroach repellant/killer.

Now, I really feel powerful with my magic(repellant) and my sword(shoes) in my hands. I sprayed to their hiding places. I thought it didn't work because nothing seem to happen but after a few seconds they came out, acting crazy like they just had drugs. They crawled around bumping to walls flying in low areas landing just to the floor again. I took advantage and managed to kill every cockroach that I could see. Bitches! I screamed with anger inside me, remembering the night before. Don't even invade my bedroom again! The battle ended. I saw one last cockroach, stuck in a lizard's tongue. I watched it struggle but soon the lizard dropped it and I squashed it with my father's shoe. That should teach them a lesson to never mess with me.

As expected, there were lots of parties after graduation. That's why I refused to throw one myself because I know there would be many. The first one we attended was right after graduation. It was lunch time and Sandy invited us to Kamayan sa Palaisdaan. We went there right away, leaving some of our friends who had their own lunch with their families, like Robin, Virgi, Marian, Patrick and Micah. We arrived there by 11 am. Upon entering, we saw no signs of Sandy nor her family. I sen her a text message to confirm if we got the right location. She confirmed the location and asked us to go there by 12. The thing is, we're already there! Since Kamayan sa Palaisdaan has another branch nearby, we decided to go there first so that we wouldn't look like we're over-early or excited to eat or anything.

There was a minizoo back there. There was this big snake, some birds, monkeys, a lizard, and this musang. Inside the snake's cage was a chicken. We wanted to see the snake eat the chicken but the snake was just there, not touching it. Right after the minizoo was a hangout place. We took several pictures there. After some time it was already twelve noon. Sandy texted me, saying that they're already there. I texted back, telling her that we're already in our way. What? We were on our way. Just not that far as if we travelled from Lucban to Tayabas. LOL.

We looked for them and, yup, as expected, there were our teachers, eating. We greeted them happily, not necessarily polite but there was some respect in our greetings. I felt weird that moment. To be honest, I think I'll feel this way everytime I'll see them inside the school or not. Staring at them, I feel like their my aunts and uncles. I don't know why. Plus I'm missing them. I mean right now at this very moment.

My friends told me that we should let them finish eating first so we stepped aside to the nearby cottage wich is really big and a really nice spot for a photoshoot. And then click! click! We are taking pictures again. It was really fun. I really love taking pictures... of myself. LOL. After some time, the teachers left. I watched them as they go, with a pinch of sentiment in me. Then I sat down. Eating time! Finally! I am starving! Fatima then talked to me about us going to her house for some snacks. I was like "Ok. As long as there's food." After some more pictures taken all round the place and meeting Robin with his nephew, we left.

We took off and went to our respective houses to change before going to school to get our clearance signed. I didn't change by the way. I sweat easily. I don't want my clothes which I would wear until the party at the later evening to be sweaty in just the afternoon. Right? But it was really funny cause, like, everyone I will meet in school will ask me, "Why are you still in our uniform?" I brought along the picture album that was composed of our prom pictures. It was a requirement for PEHM. After a few rushing here and there, I completed my clearance and I got my report card along with the NCAE result and the diplomat jacket. Before leaving I asked my friends if we're going to Fatima's but some of them just replied safely. Everyone does it so no big deal.

I went home and played Final Fantasy I. I also had a small conversation with Fatima via text. It's all about I-don't-know-if-we-can-make-it thing to her party. It's because of this Raina-Fatima-Christine thing. By the way, The Housewives were here. They're my mother's friends and they're all housewives. It's actually like Desperate Housewives with more gossip and less sex. Danilo's mother also paid a little visit. Then I received a phone call from my Ate Marian. She's my cousin, working as a nurse in London. Then it was almost 6. Time for Jiru's party!

Yup! The teacher's were there again. Hahaha. It's just weird that we're always catching up with one another in parties. The principal also came, told us not to drink too much. It was funny that every adult expected us to drink. Well, we did. But it took long before that. We first had a few conversations, a dinner and more stuff before we actually went on drinking. Abby, Jeffrey's sister, made an appearance by the way. There's also NJ and Oliver. Some of the TG. It was a really big party. Almost like a wedding reception with less grace and no program.

From Bernard's party a week before, the drunks shifted from Meng, Niña and Hexene to Mark Paul, Rubio, Leo and Neil. Arabis was also there ny the way. He was like our new friend since he's a friend of Micah's.

The following Thursday, Kim threw her very own Graduation Party. It was held on their house. We are the first to arrive there, Me, Neil, Christine, Virgi, Bernard and Micah. I ate spaghetti, brownies, buko salad, and cake. People started coming and the place was soon filled. We had just started drinking when Alyssa received news that his brother got in an accident. Whoosh Off she goes. After sharing comments about the news, we continued drinking. After a while, we went inside and started sing our hearts using the WOW! Magic Sing. Some of us slept there and went home 6 in the morning.

Good Morning to everyone! I'm already awake and it's the early morning of April 7. A few minutes later, I'll be walking up that stage and get my diplomat. Before we graduate, I would like to thank all the people that made my high school life a fun and wild ride.

First off, I would like to thank The whole section 1 class throughout these past 4 years(Yup. Apollo, Polaris, Titan and Einstein) for making me feel like i'm one of them even though in my first year I came from Mariner(Section 2). I'm also thanking them for all the happy memories they gave me inside and outside the classrooms. I will never forget all the answers you gave me during quizzes and all the assignments that I copied. Promise! I'll pay you back someday!

I would also give my thank you to the whole faculty of the Laboratory High School for developing me as a person even thoguh sometimes they can be rough. I learned a lot from all of you guys. I can't believe I'm actually saying this but I really think that high school would be different if you're not our mentors. I'll always keep your lessons in my mind, trust me. I'll be back to give you some visit when you guys are older. LOL.

I'm also thanking the other sections for even though I'm not in their class, I managed to get close to them. Our batch is just amazing and it would be never be same if you guys aren't the way you are.

Thank you to my groupmates throughout high school. Whether it's for projects, plays and activities(Echo Camp), thank you for allowing me to be a part of the group. I'm also sorry if I wasn't that active. Sometimes, i'm just really not in the mood. Sorry.

I also wanna thank the different cliques. Cafe Society, Yamao Family, Crony Bestfriends, Sandy's group, Ruazol's group, Ototac Aiahsam, TATU Gangzti and everone in between. Even though I'm not inside your cliques, you all have been kind to me. Thanks for a whole lot of memories you gave me. Thanks for listening to me everytime I speak. And thanks for helping me throughout high school. For the Ototac Aiahsam and TATU Gangzti, thank you for making me as one of you. Thanks for making me feel like I belong. The late night drinking sessions, the problems, the advices, the issues, conversations and all the things that occured. Thank you!

Here's a a message I sent to all the seniors in my contact list:

Do you still remember the time you saw your name on that list of lucky students who got in? Or the first time your name was mentionedto tell you where your assigned room would be? Also, yourfirst impressions of those new faces? The first subject you attended? How about your first seatmate? That first classmate you talked to?Or even those loud voices on early mornings? Strange isn't it? That now, in our remaining days in our senior year, we already hear our names called by teachers for the last time in class. The last room where we spent our last class. We already had our last chair beside our last seatmate. The last conversation in our last recess. And the last time you saw the room filled with your classmates, and heard their voices that eventually made up your day. Then you just found yourself saying, "I'll miss this..." Congratz sa 'tin, LHS Batch 2008-2009!

I'm really serious about this. When will people stop bugging me about college. I mean, really. If it's not about why I'm choosing UST over the university here at my hometown, it's about why I chose SLSU over UST. These people are just unbelievable. I already made my decisio. I'm studying here. Please. Everyone, just shut it, alright? It's exhausting, trying to explain myself for my decisions regarding college. They are now saying that it was such a shame that I chose a really good school over our school here which can't be even located at the map. Ok. I might be exaggerating but that's how it really sounds. But what I don't get is why do they have to express their opinions. They can have them but just don't say it right to my face. I'm still trying to adjust my thoughts and ideas about how i'm going to spend my freshman year in college. Why mess it up with lots of 'what ifs'? And one more thing. Please don't aske me if i'm okay. Don't worry cause I will be. Someday. Of course, i'm still a little disappointed with the unexpected twists but i'll manage to adapt. I always do. So don't worry, okay? This is what I love about my life. You never can expect too much. You'll know that there's always going to be that one expected 'unexpected twist'. And it so happened that I sort of saw this one coming. That has been a hobby for me since childhood. Expecting the unexpected. It really helps for it makes the unexpected sort of expected, thus, making things less painful when that unexpected twist comes.

Don't react negatively, alright? But I think i'm addicted to coffee. I don't know why but I think it's the caffeine. It just stimulates my creative writing. It's like a pre-writing habit to me. I drink coffee. Sometimes, accompanied with some biscuits or cookies. I'm just sharing this one little secret of mine to all of you. Hehehe. Right now, I'm doing it again.

We just had our CAT Graduation yesterday. We we're supposed to start at 3:30 pm but when we were all getting nervous about the last minutes 'til the start of graduation, heavy rain started pouring. We waited for it to stop so we started at about 4. So, the program started with the wrong introduction of Sir Salvanera. Even though we must have our serious cadet face on, I still grinned. I was really nervous shouting, giving commands and executing commands because I might screw up. And then there it went, "Pasa Masid!" Our Battalion Commander commanded. I turned to my right. "Shit!" I said to myself after hearing my executive officer that that's not the command for turning. Thank god no one in the grandstand was looking. Unfortunately, some college students, parents and school employees are watching beside the field. They saw me! That was just so embarrassing. But just as usual, I just laughed it off. After that my mind couldn't concentrate but I think we managed to get all things right after that mistake.

The second part of the program was the handing of the diplomats. We have to go up that stage, stop at front of the guest speaker, quick turn to the right to face him, step the left foot forward then let your left hand take the diplomat and your right hand to shake his hand. So, all of us got our diplomats. Next is the special awards. Okay. I have to admit I was a bit nervous about this since I want to get the Best Company Commander Award but I knew it was just wishful thinking. LOL. It was awarded to Niña. I already saw it coming anyways, so bitterness here. The Best Platoon Leader Award was awarded to Bernard. There were other awards. All of the officers got an award anyways but I forgot what's mine. They said it's the Loyalty Award. Well, that suits me.